Submitted by Stanford, 6/25/2009 1:21:13 PM [profile]
Submitted by AbDuL, 4/26/2009 8:26:16 PM [profile]
Submitted by jerseygrl325, 4/19/2009 2:56:38 PM [profile]
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A Russian, a Cuban, an American businessman and an American lawyer were on a train traveling across Europe. The Russian took out a large bottle of vodka, poured each of his companions a drink and then hurled the semi-full bottle out the window.
"Why did you do that?" asked the American businessman.
"Vodka is plentiful in my country," said the Russian. "In fact, we have more than we will ever use."
A little later, the Cuban passed around fine Havana cigars. He took a couple of puffs of his and then tossed it out the window.
"I thought the Cuban economy was suffering," the businessman said. "Yet you threw that perfectly good cigar away."
"Cigars," the Cuban replied, "are a dime a dozen in Cuba. We have more of them than we know what to do with."
The American businessman sat in silence for a moment. Then he got up, grabbed the lawyer and threw him out the window.
- jersey
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ID# 219212 |
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Submitted by Tc_Origenal, 11/3/2008 12:28:36 PM [profile]
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The Brothel
The madam opened the brothel door in Winnipeg and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.
'May I help you sir?' she asked
'I want to see Valerie,' he said.
'Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else', said the madam.
'No, I must see Valerie,' he said.
Valerie appeared and told the man she charged $5000 a visit. Without hesitation, he pulled out five thousand dollars, gave it to Valerie and they went upstairs. After an hour the man calmly left.
The next night the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie. Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as she was too expensive. But there were no discounts. The price was still $5000.
Again the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour he left.
The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs.
After their session Valerie said to the man, 'No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?'
' Ontario .'
'Really', she said. 'I have family in Ontario .'
'I know.' the man said. 'Your sister died, and I am her attorney. She asked me to give you your $15,000 inheritance.'
The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain.
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being screwed by a lawyer
- Uncle Bob
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ID# 197573 |
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Submitted by Stanford, 10/22/2008 2:34:17 PM [profile]
Submitted by Stanford, 10/14/2008 10:56:25 AM [profile]
Submitted by Tc_Origenal, 9/21/2008 10:15:58 PM [profile]
Submitted by unluckygirl, 8/9/2008 12:40:54 AM [profile]
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A lawyer opens the door of his expensive car, only for it to be smashed off by a passing lorry. When the police arrived, the lawyer complains loudly about the damage: "just look what a mess that idiot made of my car!"...The police officer sighs. "You lawyers are so materialistic, it makes me sick. All you think about is your stupid car- you haven't even noticed that your left arm has been ripped off",
" My left arm??? OH my GOD!!! Where's my ROLEX???"
- lol
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ID# 188369 |
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Submitted by Stanford, 6/25/2008 1:37:58 PM [profile]
Submitted by mustaphe, 6/21/2008 6:54:52 PM [profile]
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A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has cheated him out of ten million bucks. His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not hear anything that he might have to testify about in court. When the Godfather goes to confront the bookkeeper about his missing $10 million, he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language.
The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the 10 million bucks he embezzled from me is."
The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the money is.
The bookkeeper signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about."
The attorney tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."
The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it the bookkeeper's temple and says, "Ask him again!"
The attorney signs to the bookkeeper, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him!"
The bookkeeper signs back, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens!"
The Godfather asks the attorney, "Well, what'd he say?"
The attorney replies, "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."
Lawyers...You gotta love 'em.
- Unknown
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