Submitted by ZacK_Hanafi, 11/29/2009 12:59:56 AM
Submitted by Stanford, 6/25/2009 1:21:13 PM
Submitted by AbDuL, 4/26/2009 8:26:16 PM
Submitted by jerseygrl325, 4/19/2009 2:56:38 PM
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A Russian, a Cuban, an American businessman and an American lawyer were on a train traveling across Europe. The Russian took out a large bottle of vodka, poured each of his companions a drink and then hurled the semi-full bottle out the window.
"Why did you do that?" asked the American businessman.
"Vodka is plentiful in my country," said the Russian. "In fact, we have more than we will ever use."
A little later, the Cuban passed around fine Havana cigars. He took a couple of puffs of his and then tossed it out the window.
"I thought the Cuban economy was suffering," the businessman said. "Yet you threw that perfectly good cigar away."
"Cigars," the Cuban replied, "are a dime a dozen in Cuba. We have more of them than we know what to do with."
The American businessman sat in silence for a moment. Then he got up, grabbed the lawyer and threw him out the window.
- jersey
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ID# 219212 |
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Submitted by Amazing_Ali, 3/21/2009 10:26:17 PM
Submitted by aschrage, 1/26/2009 8:40:27 AM
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How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
Such number as may be deemed necessary to perform the stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the following agreement. Whereas the party of the first part, also known as 'the lawyers' and the party of the second part, also known as 'the light bulb' do hereby agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (light bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e. the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination ofthe area ranging from the front (North) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just through the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (light bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties. The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:
1. The party of the first part (lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, step stool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (light bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (light bulb) in a counter clockwise direction, said direction being non-negotiable. Said grasping and rotation of the party of the second part (light bulb) shall be undertaken by the party of the first part (lawyer) to maintain the structural integrity of the party of the second part (light bulb), notwithstanding the aformentioned failure of the party of the second part (light bulb) to perform the customary and agreed upon duties. The foregoing notwithstanding, however, both parties stipulate that structural failure of the party of the second part (light bulb) may be incidental to the aforementioned failure to perform and in such case the party of the first part (lawyer) shall be held blameless for such structural failure insofar as the non-negotiable directional codicil (counter-clockwise) is observed by the party of the first part (lawyer) throughout.
2. Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (light bulb) becomes seperated from the party of the third part ('receptacle'), the party of the first part shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (light bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local, and federal statutes.
3. Once seperation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (lawyer) shall have the option of beginning the installation of the party of the fourth part ('new light bulb'). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse procedures described in step one of this self same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, said direction also being non-negotiable and only until the party of the fourth part (new light bulb) becomes snug in the party of the third part (receptacle) and in fact becomes the party of the second part (light bulb).
- Unknown
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ID# 209317 |
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Submitted by Tc_Origenal, 11/3/2008 12:28:36 PM
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The Brothel
The madam opened the brothel door in Winnipeg and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.
'May I help you sir?' she asked
'I want to see Valerie,' he said.
'Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else', said the madam.
'No, I must see Valerie,' he said.
Valerie appeared and told the man she charged $5000 a visit. Without hesitation, he pulled out five thousand dollars, gave it to Valerie and they went upstairs. After an hour the man calmly left.
The next night the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie. Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as she was too expensive. But there were no discounts. The price was still $5000.
Again the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour he left.
The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs.
After their session Valerie said to the man, 'No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?'
' Ontario .'
'Really', she said. 'I have family in Ontario .'
'I know.' the man said. 'Your sister died, and I am her attorney. She asked me to give you your $15,000 inheritance.'
The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain.
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being screwed by a lawyer
- Uncle Bob
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ID# 197573 |
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Submitted by Stanford, 10/22/2008 2:34:17 PM
Submitted by Stanford, 10/14/2008 10:56:25 AM
Submitted by Tc_Origenal, 9/21/2008 10:15:58 PM
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