Submitted by Emerald_queen, 7/31/2005 9:11:28 AM [profile]
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In the year 2005, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and overpopulated and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save two of every living thing along with a few good humans."
He gave Noah the blue prints, saying, "You have six months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard ... but no ark. "Noah," He roared "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah. "But things have changed. I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to Development Appeal Board for a decision. Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I argued that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.
Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls. But no go!
When I started gathering the animals, I got sued by an animal rights group. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. As well, they argued the accommodation was too restrictive and it was cruel and inhumane to putso many animals in a confined space.
Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted and environmental impact study on your proposed flood.
I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.
Also, the trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark building experience.
To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.
So forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least ten years for me to finish this Ark."
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.
Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean, You're not going to destroy the world?"
"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."
- Lyndsey
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ID# 44775 |
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Submitted by sword-freak, 3/27/2006 5:56:56 PM [profile]
Submitted by Donny, 10/9/2000 5:14:36 PM [profile]
Submitted by Dudley, 4/18/2004 4:18:37 PM [profile]
Submitted by mellew, 1/15/2007 2:12:35 PM [profile]
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Can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than 500 employees and has the
following statistics:
29 have been accused of spousal abuse
7 have been arrested for fraud
19 have been accused of writing bad checks
117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
3 have done time for assault
71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
8 have been arrested for shoplifting
21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year
Can you guess which
organization this is?
...
Give up yet?
It's the 535 members of the United States Congress. The same group that crankout hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line.
- ♥ idk
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ID# 110065 |
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Submitted by actorchick25, 2/5/2004 9:37:09 PM [profile]
Submitted by Dark Child, 10/24/2003 2:18:57 PM [profile]
Submitted by Tc_Origenal, 9/21/2008 10:27:12 PM [profile]
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The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is this:
You cannot post 'Thou Shalt Not Steal,' 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery,' and 'Thou Shall Not Lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians...It creates a hostile work environment
- Uncle Bob
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ID# 192829 |
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Submitted by Lachtaube, 11/13/2003 3:01:15 PM [profile]
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More than 50% of the people in the world
have never made or received a telephone call. and
If the government has no knowledge of aliens,
then why does Title 14, Section 1211
of the Code of Federal Regulations,
implemented on July 16, 1969,
make it illegal for U.S. citizens to have any contact
with extraterrestrials or their vehicles?
- Anonymous
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ID# 11322 |
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Submitted by sweet_life:)_, 5/12/2008 10:24:45 PM [profile]
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