Submitted by Anonymous, 10/19/2004 2:38:10 PM [profile]
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A Favorite of
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***** COOL INSULTS 4 GALS...*****
1)Hi..i'm a human being.What r u?
2)Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion?
3)As an outsider what do u think of the human race?
4)I'd like to kick u in the teeth then again why should i improve ur looks.
5)Brains aren't everything..In fact in your case they are nothing.
6)Careful now..don't let ur brains go to ur head.
7)If i had a face like yours..i'd sue my parents.
8)Keep talking..someday you'll say something intelligent.
9)Fellows like you don't grow from trees,they swing from them..
10)You are a living proof that man can live without brains.
11)Hey how come ur here? i thought the zoo is closed at night.
12)How did u get here?Did someone leave ur cage open.
- Unknown
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ID# 24376 |
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Submitted by kaitlin_harris, 4/17/2005 2:47:26 PM [profile]
Submitted by Louise, 10/29/2002 5:37:54 AM [profile]
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A Favorite of
201 Users |
FAIRY TALE FOR WOMEN OF THE 21st CENTURY
Once upon a time,
in a land far away,
a beautiful, independent,
self-assured princess
happened upon a frog as she sat,
contemplating ecological issues
on the shores of an unpolluted pond
in a verdant meadow near her castle.
The frog hopped into the princess' lap
and said: Elegant Lady,
I was once a handsome prince,
until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.
One kiss from you, however,
and I will turn back
into the dapper, young prince that I am
and then, my sweet, we can marry
and setup housekeeping in your castle
with my mother,
where you can prepare my meals,
clean my clothes, bear my children,
and forever
feel grateful and happy doing so.
That night,
as the princess dined sumptuously
on a repast of lightly sautéed frog legs
seasoned in a white wine
and onion cream sauce,
she chuckled and thought to herself:
I don't f***ing think so.
- Unknown
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ID# 5346 |
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Submitted by TallGal005, 3/7/2004 9:34:58 AM [profile]
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200 Users |
*******The Top Ten Men!!********
1. The Doctor because he says,"Take off
your clothes"
2. The Dentist because he says,"Open Wide"
3. The hairdresser because he says,"Do you
want it teased or blown"
4. The Milkman because he says,"Do you
want it in front or in back?"
5. The Interior Decorator because he
says,"Once you have it all in, you'll love it."
6. The Banker because he says,"If you take
it out too soon, you'll lose interest"
7. The Police Officer because he
says,"Spread 'em"
8. The Mailman because he always delivers
his package.
9. The Pilot because he takes off fast and
then slows down.
10. The Hunter because he always goes deep
in the bush, shoots twice
- -unknown
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ID# 14862 |
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Submitted by jello_2323, 12/8/2000 1:09:07 PM [profile]
Submitted by Shrestha, 12/22/2004 4:00:32 AM [profile]
Submitted by Apollo, 4/28/2004 9:37:15 PM [profile]
Submitted by aschrage, 8/6/2007 8:33:47 AM [profile]
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A Favorite of
162 Users |
The Man Dictionary
------------------
"IT'S A GUY THING"
Translated: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."
"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Translated: "Why isn't it already on the table?"
"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR"
Translated: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.
"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
Translated: "I have no idea how it works."
"I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND."
Translated: "I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra."
"TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD."
Translated: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
Translated: "Are you still talking?"
"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Translated: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."
"I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES."
Translated: "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."
"OH, DON'T FUSS - I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
Translated: "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."
"I CAN'T FIND IT."
Translated: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
Translated: "What did you catch me at?"
"I HEARD YOU."
Translated: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next three days yelling at me."
"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE."
Translated: "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."
"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."
Translated: "Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving."
"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Translated: "No one will ever see us alive again."
- Unknown
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ID# 136198 |
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Submitted by ShehazCatEyes, 2/28/2004 3:01:36 AM [profile]
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A Favorite of
161 Users |
Allow your heart and mind to feel and experience these things for/with him:
To melt by just looking in his eyes,
To let your heart dance to the sound of his laugh,
To hold his hand and never take for granted how it feels when he holds you with both,
To take the chance of being wounded because you will not give him up freely,
To have him consume your every dream, your every thought, your every waking moment,
To be thankful for another night of falling asleep in his arms,and another day of waking up with him in your life,
To get lost at the very thought of him, only to find your way back when he sneaks up from behind and kisses you,
To let him know just how incomplete you would be without him, and how wonderful he is by just being who he is,
To never let anything he accomplishes or achieves ever go unnoticed,
To tell him you love him even more than you did the day before,
To let your shoulder be his support when he has a bad day,
To make sure you have food and beer ready for every game or race, then holler and cheer for his favorite team or driver because you love to watch it with him,
To Learn that sometimes you have to sacrifice your happiness in return for his,
To have passion with every kiss and mind blowing moves with each intimate moment,
To never make him choose between his friends AND you,
To take his breath away at least once a day by doing something unexpected,
To always apologize when you're the one in the wrong,
To miss him just as much when he's not in the same room with you as you would if he were gone for a few months,
To always shower him with nice compliments,
To never let two wrongs make a right,
To let him captivate you by his own views and opinions,
AND
To ALWAYS love him with all you have, with all you are and everything you become.
- Lisa Brooks
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ID# 14601 |
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Submitted by Anonymous, 9/21/2004 6:12:25 PM [profile]
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A Favorite of
141 Users |
Men Are Like..
..COFFEE..the best ones are rich,warm and keeps u up all night long.
..GOVERNMENT BONDS...it takes them a long time to mature.
..HOROSCOPES..they always tell u what to do and are usually wrong.
..MASCARA..they usually run out at first sign of emotion
- Unknown
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ID# 23197 |
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