Submitted by aschrage, 8/8/2003 8:03:10 AM [profile]
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Annoying Things To Do On An Elevator
1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5) MEOW occasionally.
6) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly
7) SAY -DING at each floor.
8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.
9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
14) WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17) HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
18) DROP a pen and wail until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.
21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.
22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it.
- a website
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Submitted by berazzled, 9/19/2004 9:43:10 PM [profile]
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35 fun things to do while driving
1. Have a friend ride in the back seat. Gagged.
2. Roll down your windows and blast talk radio. Headbang.
3. Wear snorkel gear and hang fish around from the ceiling.
4. Two words: Chicken suit.
5. Write the words "Help me" on your back window in red paint. The more it looks like blood, the better.
6. Pay the toll for the car behind you. Watch in rearview mirror as toll collector tries to explain to next driver.
7. Laugh. Laugh a lot. A whooooole lot.
8. Stop at the green lights.
9. Go at the red ones.
10. Occasionally wave a stuffed animal/troll doll/Barbie out your window or sunroof. Feel free to make it dance.
11. Eat food that requires silverware.
12. Put your arms down the legs of an extra pair of trousers, put sneakers on your hands, and lean the seat back as you drive.
13. At stop lights, eye the person in the next car suspiciously. With a look of fear, suddenly lock your doors.
14. Honk frequently without motivation.
15. Wave at people often. If they wave back, offer an offended and angry look as if they gave you an obscene gesture.
16. At stop lights, ask people if they have any Grey Poupon.
17. Let pedestrians know who's boss.
18. Look behind you frequently, with a very paranoid look.
19. Restart your car at every stop light.
20. Hang numerous car-fresheners in the rear-view mirror. Talk to them, stroking them lovingly.
21. Lob burning things in the windows of smokers who throw their butts out the window.
22. Keep at least five cats in the car.
23. Squeegee your windshield at every stop.
24. If an fire truck comes up behind you, pull over, get on the roof of your car, and do a cheer for them as they pass!
25. Compliment other drivers on their skill and finesse.
26. Have conversations, looking periodically at the passenger seat, when driving alone.
27. Stop and collect roadkill.
28. Stop and pray for roadkill.
29. Stop and cook roadkill. (If in Tennessee.)
30. Throw Spam. Tape signs on windows protesting email abuse.
31. Get in the fast lane and gradually... slow... down... to...a stop. Then get out and watch the cars.
32. Vary your vehicle's speed inversely with the speed limit.
33. Drive off an exit ramp, ask for directions to the town you're in. When they tell you you're there, look confused, glance at your map, laugh, and exclaim, "Oh! Wrong state!"
34. Sing without having the radio on.
35. At stop lights, run out of your car, place pylons around you, then gather them back up as the light changes and drive off...
- my drivers ed teacher....
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Submitted by oneluckystar, 3/17/2005 1:14:16 PM [profile]
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THINGS TO DO AT WALMART WHILE YOUR SPOUSE IS TAKING HIS/HER SWEET TIME....
*Get boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
*Set all alarm clocks to go off at 10 minute intervals
*Make a trail of orange juice on the floor to the rest rooms.
*Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an offical tone, "I think we have a code 3 in housewares," and see what happens
*Put M&M's on lay way
*Move caution wet floor signs to carpet areas.
*Set up a tent in the camping department , tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows form the bedding department.
*When someone asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people leave me alone."
*Look right into the video camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
*Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme to Mission Impossible.
*Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through whisper "Pick me, Pick me!!!!"
*When an annoucement comes over the loud speaker assume the fetal position and scream "No! No! It's not those voices again."
*Go into the fitting room and yell real loud...."Hey we're out of toilet paper in here!"
- unknown
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Submitted by jimmys_girl, 3/24/2005 9:12:06 AM [profile]
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things to do in a public bathroom
Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?"
2. Say "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that."
3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise
4. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."
5. Drop a marble and say, "Oh shoot! My glass eye!"
6. Say "Darn, this water is cold."
7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a high place and sigh relaxingly.
8. Say, "Now how did that get there?"
9. Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."
10. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!!"
11. Say, "Interesting....more sinkers than floaters"
12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here, please?
13. Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me!
14. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot"
15. Say, "Darn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"
16. Play a well known drum cadence over and oven again on your butt cheeks
17. Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your "Cross-Dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.
18. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"
19. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free."
PLZ COMMENT AND VOTE....THX
'*'didnt write it but love it'*'
- -???
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Submitted by Regina, 7/12/2005 4:41:17 PM [profile]
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THINGS TO DO WHEN JEHOVAH WITNESSES VISIT YOU
1. Answer the door naked and carrying weaponry.
2. Pretend to be the slowest talking person in the world and see how long their spirit of Christian charity lasts.
3. Answer every one of their questions with "What do you mean by that?" This might take a while, but you and your loved ones can have fun placing bets on how long it takes for them to get flustered and leave.
4. Ask them to explain the story of Elisha and the Forty two children. You may have to resort to another method to actually get rid of them, but this will definitely make them sweat.
5. Excuse yourself from the front door and DO NOT come back.
6. Make a series of increasingly reprehensible fake phone calls - your bookie, order for pornography, drug deal, obscene call, and if they are STILL there, a tearful confession to the police for the murder of the last Witnesses who visited you.
7. Pick an often repeated word in their vocabulary (God, Jesus, heaven, it, the etc.) and giggle whenever they utter it. If they ask you what's going on, say "nothing, why?" in very even tones, and giggle again.
8. Same as above, except say "beep" instead of giggling.
9. Guys - part way through, begin putting on make-up, hosiery, a dress, the whole works. Make encouraging noises (uh huh, I see...) throughout and if they ask you what you're doing, pull a #7. If they're still there when you are done, ask them if they would please kindly leave as you have a hot date in ten minutes.
10. Look smug and tell them that your God can beat up their God.
- Unknown
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Submitted by emaiaress, 9/18/2005 7:05:14 PM [profile]
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29 Fun things to do When Sales People Call
Tell them they must have the wrong number, only god lives here
When they call back, Tell them this is the devil’s residence
Tell them she/he can’t come to the phone right now as they are in deep meditation and may stay that way for days.
Start telling them about the wonderful encyclopedias you have in stock.
Start telling them your life story
Tell them about your intense hatred for salespeople, then ask where they live
Reply to all their questions in song
Ask for someone who can translate pig Latin, as you speak no other language
Hand the phone to the youngest member of the house (under 5)
As soon as they name the corporation they represent begin barking relentlessly
Start trying to give them a psychological analysis
Demand that they refer to you as Dr. Chopsticks
Proudly describe what you found in your ear this morning
Ask them what color underwear they are wearing today
Describe your socks in detail
Interrupt them repeatedly to describe the beauty of your new toaster
Whiningly tell thing that it is past your bedtime
Midway through the conversation say, "oh no Phil! You’ve done it again! I told you that knife was too sharp! Where are we going to get the money for another funeral?"
Ask them repeatedly if they believe in antelopes
Refuse to answer any of their questions, as they may be one of THEM!
Ask them what they think would happen if you put a frog in a blender later tell them they were wrong
Ask them for their phone number so that you can call them back and chat some more
Burst into tears when they try to hang up and scream "Don’t leave Me!"
Tell them about the time when you got stuck in the doggy door
When they ask to speak to you spend a long time trying to decide if that really is your name and after you realize it is ask them to remind you of it occasionally
Proudly explain that they are the first person that you have spoken to since you return to Earth
In the middle of the conversation start humming the sesame street theme song, when they try to speak sound surprised and say, "Is someone there?"
Begin snoring
Gleefully explain that "they" have come for you and that you are going to a better place
- Unknown
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Submitted by thejeremylover_33, 7/7/2004 11:14:04 PM [profile]
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THINGS TO DO AT A BORING MOVIE
1. Wear a top hat.
2. Throw popcorn in the air and yell, "It's snowing!"
3. Go, "Oooooh..." whenever anyone kisses.
4. Clap when the good guy gets killed.
5. Make a noise like you’re passing gas and go, "Ahhh..."
6. Starting wheezing and ask the person next to you if you can have some Juicy Fruits for you asthma.
7. During the previews, yell, "Can you fast-forward it?"
8. Whenever the bad guy is doing something devious, say, "Watch out!"
9. Laugh very loudly at all the corny jokes.
10. Tell the man selling popcorn that the girl’s bathroom is flooding.
11. Yell out what is going to happen.
12. Tell the man next to you that you have diarrhea and wink while smiling.
13. Wear a cape and when it’s your turn to get popcorn yell, "I'm Batman! Hahaha!" and run away.
14. Yell, "Fire!" and moon the people coming through the exit.
15. Say that they cannot sit next to you because your invisible friend already is.
- liverachi
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Submitted by maine, 10/16/2005 1:00:52 AM [profile]
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Annoying Things To Do In Class
1. Throw a piece of chalk to the blackbord and say "Missed you, Miss!"
2. Hand over some homework and say "See you later baby"
3. Stand up in the front bcuz you've got to give a short talk, and say to the teacher "Pretend you can't hear for one minute would ya?"
4. Write in the blackboard "What are you looking at???"
5. In the middle of a test, sing out loud "When i find myself in times of trouble, mother Mary comes to me" and wink at the teacher
6. During the Science lesson, ask the teacher "What came first, the egg or the chicken?"
7. During the History lesson, ask the teacher "Did condoms exist in the time of the First World War?"
- e-mail
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Submitted by pencil_drop, 11/19/2005 10:52:43 PM [profile]
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THINGS TO DO AT THE MALL...
Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out of the wishing fountain
Try pants on backwards at a clothing store. Ask a salesperson if they make your butt look big
At the bottom of the escalator scream "My Shoelaces AARGHH!!!!"
Teach pet store parrots new vocabulary that makes them unsellable
Ask mall cops about their experience in World War 1
Construct a new porch deck in the tool department of Sears
Pose as a fashion dummy in the clothes department, occasionally screaming without warning
Test mattresses in your pajamas
If youre patient, stare intently into a surveillance camera for an hour while rocking back and forth
Sprint up the down escalator
Stare at staic on a display TV and challenge others on whether they too can see the 'hidden picture'
Make unusual request at a piercing place
Ask a salesperson at a hardware store on how well a certain saw cuts through bone
Hula dance by the demonstration air conditioner
Ask for red-tinted lenses at the optometrist
Sneak up on salespeople at the perfume counter and spray them with your own bottle of Eau De Swanke
Rummage through the jelly bean bin at the candy store, insisting you lost a contact lens
Ask a woman whether a particular pair of panties matches the color of your hair
In the changing rooms, announce in a sing-song voice "I see London, I see France..."
Leave on the plastic string connecting a new pair of shoes, and wander around the mall taking two-inch steps
Ask a pharmacist at a drugstore for a cold medicine that will give you "a really wicked buzz!"
Ask someone at the information desk for a stroller... and someone to push you around in it
Hand a pair of pants back to a saleperson with a scornful look and scornfully announce that they arent "leak proof"
If its Christmas, ask the mall Santa to sit on your lap
Show people your driver's license and demand to know "whether they've seen this man"
- Ashley
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Submitted by smartee_pantz, 3/12/2006 6:35:43 PM [profile]
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14 Annoying Things to do in a Movie Theatre
1) Ask what the theater's return policy on popcorn is.
2) Every time there is a gun shot scream, "Hit the floor!", jump on the floor, and cover your head.
3) Wear one of those "cat in the hat" top hats.
4) Point a laser pointer at the screen. Give the audience a laser light show.
5) Bring a book and a bright light. Start reading the book with the light on. When someone asks you to turn out the light, yell, "Shh, I'm trying to read!"
6) Throw spit wads on the screen. Try throwing them on the upper part of the screen so they can't get scraped off.
7) Pass around a collection plate and see if anyone contributes.
8) Laugh hysterically during the sad parts in the movie, cry during the funny ones.
9) Bring your own beanbag chair and sit in the aisle.
10) Laugh very loudly at all the corny jokes.
11) Use empty chairs next to you as catapults with candy. Aim at specific people behind you and see if you can hit anyone in the back row.
12) Bring a flashlight. In the middle of the film do shadow puppets on the ceiling.
13) Bring a remote control. Complain that you can't change the channel.
14) Sit front row, the minute the movie starts run out screaming.
- a website
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