The Best Engineering Quotes

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  • 1

    A Favorite of 2835 users

    The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington engineering mid-term. The answer was so "profound" that the Professor shared it with colleagues, and the sharing obviously hasn't ceased...

    Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or Endothermic (absorbs heat)?

    Most of the students wrote Proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law, (gas cools off when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

    "First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let us look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

    Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:

    1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

    2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

    So which is it?

    If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa Banyan during my Freshman year, "...that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you.", and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then, #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze."

    This student received the only A.

    Posted by AA  ID#:3972
  • 2

    A Favorite of 306 users

    To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the
    glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big
    as it needs to be.

    Posted by Anonymous  ID#:4999
  • 3

    A Favorite of 155 users

    Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

    Posted by Alkdarf  ID#:21451
  • 4

    A Favorite of 74 users

    An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place."

    So, the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After awhile, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

    One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"

    Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

    God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."

    Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."

    God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."

    Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"

    Posted by aschrage  ID#:143387
  • 5

    A Favorite of 70 users

    The most important thing is to keep the most important thing the most important thing.

    Posted by JAGCS  ID#:129299
  • 6

    A Favorite of 36 users

    A good scientist is a person with original ideas. A good engineer is a person who makes a design that works with as few original ideas as possible.

    Posted by Anonymous  ID#:5004
  • 7

    A Favorite of 33 users

    Some say the cup is half empty, while others say it is half full. However, in my opinion both are wrong. The real problem is the cup is too big.

    Sometimes all we need is a new perspective on an old problem.

    Posted by JAGCS  ID#:129311
  • 8

    A Favorite of 32 users

    Most times your computer is not responding as you expected - first try to find out if the "ERROR" is not sitting right next to the computer.

    Posted by draco  ID#:34797
  • 9

    A Favorite of 31 users

    There are 3 types of students.
    1)some make wonders happen
    2)some watch wonders happen
    3)some wonders,what happen? :p

    Posted by TheHUNKextreme  ID#:341305
  • 10

    A Favorite of 29 users

    Engineers are the BEST boyfriends
    ALL these ARE facts .. so.. here goes..


    Advantage 1: Secure lifestyle.
    An engineer boyfriend can provide you with a secure lifestyle. At 27 years old, an engineer probably has a respectable, stable job that gives him a high income to own a car, invest, have a comfortable life, and get married and buy a house too.
    Law graduates are still working as a lowly apprentice in a law firm, most management graduates have just failed on their first business plan, the arts graduate is still looking for a job, and the medical school graduate is still living in a hospital. ''-

    Advantage 2: Unmatchable industriousness.
    An engineer boyfriend will dedicate an unimaginable amount of his time and effort to understand you. Engineers strain really really hard to understand their work. You can believe that they will try really really hard to understand women too, just like how they understand their work, once they believe that you are the one. So even if they don't understand you initially, they will keep on trying. Even if they still do not understand, they will figure out the correct method to keep you happy (e.g. buy diamond ring = 1 week's worth of happiness=dh/dt.) And once they find out the secret formula, they will just keep on repeating it so that the desired results appear.
    Unlike the Lawyer who will argue with you, the Management graduate who will try to control your spending, the Arts graduate who will 'change major', and the medical school graduate who will operate on you. And you know what, it's really so easy to make engineers believe that you are the 'one'. Say that you like one of their projects and they will be hooked to you forever.-

    Advantage 3: An engineer boyfriend will never betray your trust.
    Let me first tell you what is wrong with the rest of the others - the lawyers will lie about everything, management graduates will cheat your money, the arts graduate will flirt, and you probably just look like another cadaver to the medical school graduate.
    Your engineer boyfriend is either too busy to have an affair, and even if he does, he is too dumb to lie to you about that.

    >>

    Hence, an engineer is the most secure boyfriend that you will ever find - rich enough, will keep on trying to understand and please you, has no time for affairs, and too dumb to lie to you. So girls, why procrastinate? Get an engineer as your boyfriend!

    Posted by iamnoone  ID#:346048
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