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  • 101

    A Favorite of 2088 users

    We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules
    from the male side. These are our rules! Please note ... these are
    all numbered '1' ON PURPOSE!

    1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put
    it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us
    complaining about you leaving it down.

    1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of
    it that way.

    1. Crying is blackmail.

    1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints
    do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

    1. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

    1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
    That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

    1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

    1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
    In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

    1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect
    us to act like soap opera guys.

    1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

    1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the
    ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

    1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it
    done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

    1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say
    during commercials.

    1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

    1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach,
    for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have
    no idea what mauve is.

    1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

    1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act
    like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth
    the hassle.

    1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an
    answer you don't want to hear.

    1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
    Really.

    1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared
    to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster
    trucks.

    1. You have enough clothes.

    1. You have too many shoes.

    1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

    1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the
    couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like
    camping.

    Posted by volleygurl  ID#:16690
  • 102

    A Favorite of 2087 users

    How To Get Out Of A Traffic Ticket!

    A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:

    Officer: May I see your driver's license?
    Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

    Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
    Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.

    Officer: The car is stolen?
    Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

    Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
    Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.

    Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
    Driver: Yes, sir.

    Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:

    Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
    Driver: Sure. Here it is.

    It was valid.

    Captain: Who's car is this?
    Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner's card.

    The driver owned the car.

    Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
    Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.

    Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

    Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.
    Driver: No problem.

    Trunk is opened; no body.

    Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.

    Driver: Yeah, I'll bet the lying s.o.b. told you I was speeding, too!

    Posted by itsamidget  ID#:28727
  • 103

    A Favorite of 2074 users

    "People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day."

    Posted by MissMorbidity  ID#:8298
  • 104

    A Favorite of 2061 users

    If two past lovers can remain friends, either they never were in love or they still are

    Posted by Spirit of Yesterday  ID#:18183
  • 105

    A Favorite of 2055 users

    Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened!

    Posted by leeannr  ID#:6208
  • 106

    A Favorite of 2045 users

    Feelings change - memories don't.

    Posted by Anonymous  ID#:4708
  • 107

    A Favorite of 2006 users

    A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words.

    Posted by Sherrbear  ID#:398
  • 108

    A Favorite of 2001 users

    Don't Quit

    When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
    When the road you're trudging seems all up hill,
    When the funds are low and the debts are high
    And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
    When care is pressing you down a bit,
    Rest if you must, but don't you quit.
    Life is queer with its twists and turns,
    As every one of us sometimes learns,
    And many a failure turns about
    When he might have won had he stuck it out;
    Don't give up though the pace seems slow--
    You may succeed with another blow,
    Success is failure turned inside out--
    The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
    And you never can tell how close you are,
    It may be near when it seems so far;
    So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit--
    It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

    Posted by Anonymous  ID#:4908
  • 109

    A Favorite of 1983 users

    Read this "HATE letter". It is so funny and creative. This is a loveletter from a boy to a girl.... However, the girl's father does not like him and want them stop their relationship......and so..the boy wrote this letter to the girl..he knows that the girl's father will definitely read this letter..

    1 "The great love that I have for you
    2 is gone, and I find my dislike for you
    3 grows every day. When I see you,
    4 I do not even like your face;
    5 the one thing that I want to do is to
    6 look at other girls. I never wanted to
    7 marry you. Our last conversation
    8 was very boring and has not
    9 made me look forward to seeing you again.
    10 You think only of yourself.
    11 If we were married, I know that I would find
    12 life very difficult, and I would have no
    13 pleasure in living with you. I have a heart
    14 to give, but it is not something that
    15 I want to give to you. No one is more
    16 foolish and selfish than you, and you are not
    17 able to care for me and help me.
    18 I sincerely want you to understand that
    19 I speak the truth. You will do me a favor
    20 if you think this is the end. Do not try
    21 to answer this. Your letters are full of
    22 things that do not interest me. You have no
    23 true love for me. Good-bye! Believe me,
    24 I do not care for you. Please do not think that
    25 I am still your boyfriend."

    So bad!! However, before handing over the letter to the girl, the boy told the girl to "READ BETWEEN THE LINES", meaning-only to read 1.3.5.7.9.11.13.15.17.19.21.23.25. (Odd Numbers) So..Please try reading it again! It's so smart & sweet.... :)

    Posted by angelic_tears  ID#:46740
  • 110

    A Favorite of 1962 users

    Last night i sent an angel to watch over u while u were sleeping. It came back early and i asked it why? Its said "Angels dont watch other Angels"

    Posted by dannyboy6311  ID#:8634

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