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The Best Christmas Quotes

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  • 11

    A Favorite of 84 users

    **Top Ten Things To Say About A Christmas Gift You Don't Like**

    10. Hey! There's a gift!

    9. Well,well,well...

    8. Boy, if I had not recently shot up 4 sizes that would've fit.

    7. This is perfect for wearing around the basement.

    6. Gosh. I hope this never catches fire! It is fire season though. There are lots of unexplained fires.

    5. If the dog buries it, I'll be furious!

    4. I love it--but I fear the jealousy it will inspire.

    3. Sadly, tomorrow I enter the Federal Witness Protection Program.

    2. To think--I got this the year I vowed to give all my gifts to charity.

    1. I really don't deserve this.

    Posted by oneluckystar  ID#:46693
  • 12

    A Favorite of 76 users

    i wish i was santa...
    he knows where all the naughty girls live...

    Posted by LADYV  ID#:55964
  • 13

    A Favorite of 71 users

    **Christmas Songs For Shrinks**

    Schizophrenia: Do You Hear What I Hear

    Multiple Personality: We Three Queens Disoriented Are!

    Narcissism: Hark! The Herald Angels Sing About Me!

    Dementia: I Think I'll Be Home For Christmas

    Paranoia: Santa Claus Is Coming To Town To Get Me

    Mania: Deck The Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town

    Depression: Silent Anhedonia, Holy Anhedonia, All is Flat, All is Lonely

    Personality Disorder: You Better Watch Out, I'm Going to Cry, I'm Going to Pout, then maybe I'll tell you why!

    Obsessive Compulsive: Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Swing, Jingle Bell Swing, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Swing, Jingle Bell Swing, Jingle Bell Swing Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Rock

    Suicidal: Thoughts of Roasting On an Open Fire

    Passive Aggressive: On the First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me (then took away)

    Posted by oneluckystar  ID#:46692
  • 14

    A Favorite of 70 users

    Christmas without Christ is a mess.

    Posted by Anonymous  ID#:10450
  • 15

    A Favorite of 70 users

    Christmas is about laughter, love, friends and family. Don't get lost in the greed. Instead be thankful for all of the joy around you.

    Posted by nicolelech10  ID#:340362
  • 16

    A Favorite of 68 users

    dear santa
    i can explain..

    Posted by lucky21  ID#:152328
  • 17

    A Favorite of 65 users

    I don't want a lot for Christmas
    There's just one thing I need
    I don't care about presents
    Underneath the Christmas tree
    I just want you for my own
    More than you could ever know
    Make my wish come true...
    All I want for Christmas
    Is you...

    Posted by stewkc17  ID#:54833
  • 18

    A Favorite of 65 users

    Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen

    Posted by soulsurvivor  ID#:57593
  • 19

    A Favorite of 64 users

    "Christmas gift suggestions:
    To your enemy, forgiveness.
    To an opponent, tolerance.
    To a friend, your heart.
    To a customer, service.
    To all, charity.
    To every child, a good example.
    To yourself, respect.”

    Posted by paola_olsen  ID#:345509
  • 20

    A Favorite of 63 users

    7 WAYS TO BE ANNOYING ON CHRISTMAS

    1. Sit in a corner in the fetal position rocking back and forth chanting, "Santa Claus is coming to town, Santa Claus is coming to town..."

    2. Hang a stocking with your roommate's name on it. Collect coal and sharp objects in it.

    3. Paint your nose red and wear antlers. Constantly complain about how you never get to join in any of the reindeer games.

    4. Sing "All I want for Christmas is your two front teeth..."

    5. Make anatomically correct gingerbread people and eat the best parts first.

    6. Smoke mistletoe. Do what comes naturally.

    7. Take some miniature marshmallows and put them in a little baggie. Attach a note to the bag that has a picture of a snow man and this poem:

    'You have been naughty, and here's the scoop, all you get is the snowman's poop!'

    Posted by ziveeman  ID#:50729

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