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The Best Lawyers Quotes

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  • 11

    A Favorite of 27 users

    A Russian, a Cuban, an American businessman and an American lawyer were on a train traveling across Europe. The Russian took out a large bottle of vodka, poured each of his companions a drink and then hurled the semi-full bottle out the window.

    "Why did you do that?" asked the American businessman.

    "Vodka is plentiful in my country," said the Russian. "In fact, we have more than we will ever use."

    A little later, the Cuban passed around fine Havana cigars. He took a couple of puffs of his and then tossed it out the window.

    "I thought the Cuban economy was suffering," the businessman said. "Yet you threw that perfectly good cigar away."

    "Cigars," the Cuban replied, "are a dime a dozen in Cuba. We have more of them than we know what to do with."

    The American businessman sat in silence for a moment. Then he got up, grabbed the lawyer and threw him out the window.

    Posted by jerseygrl325  ID#:219212
  • 12

    A Favorite of 24 users

    A Lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth.

    Posted by dan_k  ID#:141942
  • 13

    A Favorite of 22 users

    A man was driving down the road one day when he saw a priest with his thumb out trying to hitch-hike.
    Thinking to himself "If I pick this man up it will get me some brownie points with the big guy himself." the man is kind enough to pick him up and give him a ride.
    A few miles down the road the man can see a lawyer also attempting to hitch-hike, as most people would he turns towards the lawyer getting ready to hit him and then thinks "Wait a minute, I have a priest sitting in the back I would be sent to hell for sure!"
    Thinking this the man turns away just missing the lawyer.
    When the man looks back he notices that the lawyer is laying on the ground and bleeding. Instantly begining to freak out he begins to pray for forgiveness.
    Noticing this the priest leans forward and says
    "Don't worry my son... I opened my door and hit him with it."

    Posted by Quizilot  ID#:148152
  • 14

    A Favorite of 17 users

    Hell hath no fury like the lawyer of a woman scorned.

    Posted by aschrage  ID#:5726
  • 15

    A Favorite of 17 users

    What is the difference between a leech and a lawyer?

    The leech stops sucking you dry after you're dead.

    Posted by aschrage  ID#:130060
  • 16

    A Favorite of 16 users

    An incompetent lawyer can delay a trial for months or years. A competent lawyer can delay one even longer.

    Posted by aschrage  ID#:3985
  • 17

    A Favorite of 16 users

    Sue reports for jury duty as ordered, and promptly asks to be excused
    because she believes she's prejudiced.

    "I took one look at those shifty eyes and that cheap polyester suit and I
    immediately knew that he was guilty as sin."

    "Sit down," says the judge. "That's the prosecuting attorney."

    Posted by aschrage  ID#:135789
  • 18

    A Favorite of 15 users

    Its one of the main proffession, where lying is essential...

    Posted by AbDuL  ID#:220055
  • 19

    A Favorite of 14 users

    No brilliance is required in law, just common sense and relatively clean fingernails.

    Posted by aschrage  ID#:3984
  • 20

    A Favorite of 14 users

    Q: How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    A: Such number as may be deemed necessary to perform the stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the following agreement: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyers" and the part of the second part, also known as "Lightbulb" do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Lightbulb) shall be removed from the current position. The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps.
    1) the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder, or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (lightbulb) and rotate party of the second part(Lightbulb) in a counter-clockwise direction, this point being nonnegotiable.
    2)Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Lightbulb) becomes seperated from the party of the third part (Receptacle), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Lightbulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local, and federal statutes.

    Posted by raining_up  ID#:52631
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