The Best Men Quotes

  • All
    < Prev Next >
  • 11

    A Favorite of 220 users

    Menopasue, menstual cramps, mental illness, mental breakdowns...ever notice that all your problems begin with men?

    Posted by shunky  ID#:7958
  • 12

    A Favorite of 197 users

    What I Want in a Man, Original List (age 22)
    1. Handsome
    2. Charming
    3. Financially successful
    4. A caring listener
    5. Witty
    6. In good shape
    7. Dresses with style
    8. Appreciates finer things
    9. Full of thoughtful surprises
    10. An imaginative, romantic lover

    What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32)
    1. Nice looking (prefer hair on his head)
    2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
    3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
    4. Listens more than talks
    5. Laughs at my jokes
    6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
    7. Owns at least one tie
    8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
    9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
    10. Seeks romance at least once a week

    What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 42)
    1. Not too ugly (bald head OK)
    2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
    3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally
    4. Nods head when I'm talking
    5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
    6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
    7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
    8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
    9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
    10. Shaves most weekends

    What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 52)
    1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
    2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
    3. Doesn't borrow money too often
    4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting
    5. Doesn't re-tell the same joke too many times
    6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
    7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
    8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
    9. Remembers your name on occasion
    10. Shaves some weekends

    What I ! Want in a Man, Revised List (age 62)
    1. Doesn't scare small children
    2. Remembers where bathroom is
    3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
    4. Only snores lightly when asleep
    5. Remembers why he's laughing
    6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
    7. Usually wears some clothes
    8. Likes soft foods
    9. Remembers where he left his teeth
    10. Remembers that it's the weekend

    What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 72)
    1. Breathing
    2. Doesn't miss the toilet

    Posted by aschrage  ID#:7988
  • 13

    A Favorite of 192 users

    Trusting a guy is like jumping out of the 10th floor.

    You hope it won't hurt. But you know it will.

    Posted by shirel  ID#:136463
  • 14

    A Favorite of 190 users

    I need a boy to come up to me, give me a big hug, and say, "I'm sorry my gender sucks."

    Posted by Acid_Queen  ID#:136307
  • 15

    A Favorite of 187 users

    "there are easier things in life than finding a good man.....nailing jelly to a tree for instance!!"

    Posted by wilko  ID#:23802
  • 16

    A Favorite of 181 users

    16 Reasons Boys Don't Suck
    1. For reasons science has not yet deduced, their hugs just work better.
    2. Yes, they show off... but it's all to impress to ladies
    3. They're not nearly as harsh with the criticizing girls' bodies as girls are on themselves and each other.
    4. Without them, would we have the word "gnarly"? It's doubtful.
    5. When they see "Boys suck" T-shirts and message board threads, it breaks their tender boy hearts.
    6. Have you ever watched a boy watching a girl rummage through her purse? That wide-eyed, mystified look they get?
    7. You can borrow their hoodies that smell like boy + dryer sheets.
    8. If there's some pain in the butt thing to carry or open or fix or reach, they'll do it... eagerly, even, because it gives them a chance to flex their Boyness.
    9. They make great bases for pyramids, chicken fights, and piggy-back rides.
    10. Because you know how people say "Treat me like gum stuck to the bottom of your shoe once, shame on you; treat me like gum stuck to the bottom of your shoe twice, shame on me"? You can't complain about how much all boys suck because of how one or two specific boys treated you unless you TOLD them about how wrong they were. The reason he was probably such a jackhole to you in the first place was that he got away with it with ten other girls who never set him straight -- or he's retaliating against some girl who treated him like dirt. They have brains and they learn.
    11. Uh, Johnny Depp?
    12. They believe you when you tell them how you feel, even after you hurt them by not believing them when they're upset about something.
    13. Holding it against them that society taught them not to discuss their feelings is just as lame as holding it against a girl if she cries at inconvenient times. If you give them a safe way to express their emotions -- a way that they know they won't get yelled at or beat up -- they usually will.
    14. The part where their hair ends at the nape of their neck, when it's cut short, feels like puppy dog.
    15. At the end of the day, alls they really want is for someone to comment on their blog. Just like you.
    16. Girls lie plenty, too, hon.

    Posted by nytmare130  ID#:46678
  • 17

    A Favorite of 180 users

    "Needing a man is like a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again."

    Posted by magpie  ID#:4250
  • 18

    A Favorite of 177 users

    25 Things Women Should Know About Men:

    1. Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.

    2. Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

    3. Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.

    4. Men are very confident people. My husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living room, and if they're really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him.

    5. Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.

    6. Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning. Not being the first is upsetting to their psyches.

    7. All men are afraid of eyelash curlers. I sleep with one under my pillow, instead of a gun.

    8. A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.

    9. All men hate to hear, "We need to talk about our relationship." These seven words strike fear in the heart of even General Schwarzkopf.

    10. Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.

    11. Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.

    12. Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.

    13. Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say "Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed; get me out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo."

    14. Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door.

    15. If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, you should be worried about him.

    16. No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.

    17. When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.

    18. When four or more women get together, they talk about men.

    19. Men are less sentimental than women. No man has ever seen the movie "The Way We Were" twice, voluntarily.

    20. Most women are introspective: "Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled?" Most men are outrospective: "Did my team win? How's my car?"

    21. If a man says, "I'll call you," and he doesn't, he didn't forget. He didn't lose your number. He didn't die. He just didn't want to call you.

    22. Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem. "Get out" and "I never want to see you again" might sound like a challenge. If you want to get rid of a man, I suggest saying, "I love you; I want to marry you; I want to have your children." Sometimes they leave so fast, they leave skid marks.

    23. Men are self confident because they grow up identifying with super heroes. Women have bad self images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.

    24. Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. With male menopause, you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.

    25. Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replays in sports. They've already forgotten what happened.

    Posted by Nellas_Ancalimon.  ID#:69819
  • 19

    A Favorite of 175 users

    Bacon is bacon... eggs are eggs... don't let those boys between your legs. They say you're pretty, they say your fine. Next thing you know... "that kid is not mine."

    Posted by Rocky  ID#:157726
  • 20

    A Favorite of 162 users

    15 PIECES OF ADVICE FOR GIRLS
    1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.

    2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks-out? You shut the door.

    3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them
    all up there.

    4. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.

    5. Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway.

    6. Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you
    can tell them apart.

    7. Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to
    make some woman miserable.

    8. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself
    types.

    9. Best way to get a man to do something is to suggest they are too old
    for it.

    10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

    11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.

    12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even
    in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.

    13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks.

    14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes; it
    means that you laugh at his.

    15. Sadly, all men are created equal

    Posted by I_heart_it!  ID#:127814
< Prev Next >

Please confirm your action.