The Best Parenthood Quotes
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11
A Favorite of
104 usersThings I've learned from my Boys (honest and not kidding):
1) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
2) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.
8) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.
10) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.
11) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12) Super glue is forever.
13) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15) VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
19) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
20) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
21) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22) It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24) 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.
25) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.More than 5 years ago by aschrage ID#:68401 -
12
A Favorite of
96 usersA little boy asks his father - Daddy, how was I born? Dad responds, ah, my son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Well, you see, your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little Popup appeared and said:
You've got male!More than 5 years ago by mialwys ID#:60995 -
13
A Favorite of
86 usersby the time we realise that our parents were right..we have kids who are thinking that we are wrong..More than 5 years ago by kirti_sharma ID#:167171 -
14
A Favorite of
85 usersMonth One
MOMMY
I am only 4 inches long
but I have all my organs.
I love the sound of your voice.
The sound of your heart beat
is my favorite lullaby.
Month Two
Mommy
today I learned how to suck my thumb.
If you could see me
you could definitely tell that I am a baby.
I'm not big enough to survive outside my home
though. It is so nice and warm in here.
Month Three
You know what Mommy
I'm a boy!!
I hope that makes you happy.
I always want you to be happy.
I don't like it when you cry.
You sound so sad.
It makes me sad too
and I cry with you even though
you can't hear me.
Month Four
Mommy
my hair is starting to grow.
It is very short and fine
but I will have a lot of it.
I spend a lot of my time exercising.
I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes
and stretch my arms and legs.
I am becoming quite good at it too.
Month Five
You went to the doctor today.
Mommy, he lied to you.
He said that I'm not a baby.
I am a baby Mommy, your baby.
I think and feel
Mommy, what's abortion?
Month Six
I can hear that doctor again.
I don't like him.
He seems cold and heartless.
Something is intruding my home.
The doctor called it a needle.
Mommy what is it? It burns!
Please make him stop!
I can't get away from it!
Mommy! HELP me!
Month Seven
Mommy
I am okay.
I am in Jesus's arms.
He is holding me.
He told me about abortion.
Why didn't you want me Mommy?
Every Abortion Is Just . . .
One more heart that was stopped.
Two more eyes that will never see.
Two more hands that will never touch.
Two more legs that will never run.
One more mouth that will never speak.....More than a year ago by iloveyoubutyoudontknowit ID#:291117 -
15
A Favorite of
84 usersA mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5 and Ryan 3 The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here,He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'"
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!"More than 5 years ago by k4021 ID#:36044 -
16
A Favorite of
83 usersThe only guy a girl can depend on is her daddy
More than 5 years ago by BooBoo ID#:45096 -
17
A Favorite of
80 usersI spent forever waiting for the love of a lifetime, a man to suddenly change my life for the better and who thought i was the prettiest, smartest woman he ever met... I didn't know he'd have my eyes and call me "mommy"....More than 5 years ago by hollywould ID#:62374 -
18
A Favorite of
76 usersI opened the door to find my five year old son, Jayden, sitting in the middle of my makeup- all scattered around him on the floor. "Jayden what are you doing?" I asked angrily. He looked up at me a little fearfully and said "Mommy I just wanted to draw you a picture." Seeing the water well up in his wide blue eyes, I softened. "Why did you use Mommy's makeup instead of all the new crayons I bought you?" I asked. "Because," He replied, "these are pretty colors, and Daddy says that they make you beautiful, and I wanted your picture to be pretty, like you." All my anger burnt out, I hugged Jayden close to me. I felt so bad now about getting angry. He felt the tears on my face before I did, and simply said "Don't cry Mommy. You'll always be prettier than my picture."
Appreciate the small thingsMore than 5 years ago by Spook ID#:49223 -
19
A Favorite of
72 usersLove your parents. We are so busy growing up, we often forget they are also growing old.
More than a year ago by Harrison6ft2 ID#:466760 -
20
A Favorite of
67 users
When you were 8 years old, your mom handed
you an
ice cream. You thanked her by dripping it
all over
your lap.
When you were 9 years old, she paid for
piano
lessons. You thanked her by never even
bothering
to practice.
When you were 10 years old she drove
you all
day,
from soccer to football to one birthday
party
after another. You thanked her by
jumping out of
the car and never looking back.
When you were 11 years old, she took you
and
your friends to the movies. You thanked
her by
asking to sit in a different row.
When you were 12 years old, she warned
you not
to watch certain TV shows. You thanked
her by
waiting until she left the house.
When you were 13, she suggested a
haircut that
was becoming. You thanked her by telling
her she
had no taste.
When you were 14, she paid for a month
away at
summer camp. You thanked her by
forgetting to
write a single letter.
When you were 15, she came home from
work,
looking for a hug. You thanked her by
having your
bedroom door locked.
When you were 16, she taught you how to
drive
her
car. You thanked her by taking it every
chance you
could.
When you were 17, she was expecting an
important call. You thanked her by being
on the
phone all night.
When you were 18, she cried at your high
school
graduation. You thanked her by staying
out
partying until dawn.
When you were 19, she paid for your
college
tuition, drove you to campus carried your
bags.
You thanked her by saying good-bye
outside the
dorm so you wouldn't be embarrassed in
front of
your friends.
When you were 25, she helped to pay for
your
wedding, and she cried and told you how
deeply
she loved you. You thanked her by
moving halfway
across the country.
When you were 50, she fell ill and
needed you to
take care of her. You thanked her by
reading about
the burden parents become to their
children.
And then, one day, she quietly died. And
everything you never did came crashing
down like
thunder on YOUR HEART.
More than 5 years ago by lucky21 ID#:70038
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