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The Best Parenthood Quotes

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  • 11

    A Favorite of 106 users

    Things I've learned from my Boys (honest and not kidding):

    1) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

    2) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

    3) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

    4) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

    5) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

    6) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

    7) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.

    8) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

    9) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.

    10) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.

    11) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

    12) Super glue is forever.

    13) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

    14) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

    15) VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

    16) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

    17) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

    18) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

    19) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

    20) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

    21) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

    22) It will, however, make cats dizzy.

    23) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

    24) 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.

    25) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

    Posted by aschrage  ID#:68401
  • 12

    A Favorite of 98 users

    A little boy asks his father - Daddy, how was I born? Dad responds, ah, my son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Well, you see, your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little Popup appeared and said:

    You've got male!

    Posted by mialwys  ID#:60995
  • 13

    A Favorite of 90 users

    by the time we realise that our parents were right..we have kids who are thinking that we are wrong..

    Posted by kirti_sharma  ID#:167171
  • 14

    A Favorite of 89 users

    Month One
    I am only 4 inches long
    but I have all my organs.
    I love the sound of your voice.
    The sound of your heart beat
    is my favorite lullaby.
    Month Two
    today I learned how to suck my thumb.
    If you could see me
    you could definitely tell that I am a baby.
    I'm not big enough to survive outside my home
    though. It is so nice and warm in here.
    Month Three
    You know what Mommy
    I'm a boy!!
    I hope that makes you happy.
    I always want you to be happy.
    I don't like it when you cry.
    You sound so sad.
    It makes me sad too
    and I cry with you even though
    you can't hear me.
    Month Four
    my hair is starting to grow.
    It is very short and fine
    but I will have a lot of it.
    I spend a lot of my time exercising.
    I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes
    and stretch my arms and legs.
    I am becoming quite good at it too.
    Month Five
    You went to the doctor today.
    Mommy, he lied to you.
    He said that I'm not a baby.
    I am a baby Mommy, your baby.
    I think and feel
    Mommy, what's abortion?
    Month Six
    I can hear that doctor again.
    I don't like him.
    He seems cold and heartless.
    Something is intruding my home.
    The doctor called it a needle.
    Mommy what is it? It burns!
    Please make him stop!
    I can't get away from it!
    Mommy! HELP me!
    Month Seven
    I am okay.
    I am in Jesus's arms.
    He is holding me.
    He told me about abortion.
    Why didn't you want me Mommy?
    Every Abortion Is Just . . .
    One more heart that was stopped.
    Two more eyes that will never see.
    Two more hands that will never touch.
    Two more legs that will never run.
    One more mouth that will never speak.....

    Posted by iloveyoubutyoudontknowit  ID#:291117
  • 15

    A Favorite of 88 users

    The only guy a girl can depend on is her daddy

    Posted by BooBoo  ID#:45096
  • 16

    A Favorite of 87 users

    I spent forever waiting for the love of a lifetime, a man to suddenly change my life for the better and who thought i was the prettiest, smartest woman he ever met... I didn't know he'd have my eyes and call me "mommy"....

    Posted by hollywould  ID#:62374
  • 17

    A Favorite of 85 users

    A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5 and Ryan 3 The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here,He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'"
    Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!"

    Posted by k4021  ID#:36044
  • 18

    A Favorite of 81 users

    I opened the door to find my five year old son, Jayden, sitting in the middle of my makeup- all scattered around him on the floor. "Jayden what are you doing?" I asked angrily. He looked up at me a little fearfully and said "Mommy I just wanted to draw you a picture." Seeing the water well up in his wide blue eyes, I softened. "Why did you use Mommy's makeup instead of all the new crayons I bought you?" I asked. "Because," He replied, "these are pretty colors, and Daddy says that they make you beautiful, and I wanted your picture to be pretty, like you." All my anger burnt out, I hugged Jayden close to me. I felt so bad now about getting angry. He felt the tears on my face before I did, and simply said "Don't cry Mommy. You'll always be prettier than my picture."

    Appreciate the small things

    Posted by Spook  ID#:49223
  • 19

    A Favorite of 77 users

    Love your parents. We are so busy growing up, we often forget they are also growing old.

    Posted by Harrison6ft2  ID#:466760
  • 20

    A Favorite of 71 users

    When you were 8 years old, your mom handed

    you an

    ice cream. You thanked her by dripping it

    all over

    your lap.

    When you were 9 years old, she paid for


    lessons. You thanked her by never even


    to practice.

    When you were 10 years old she drove

    you all


    from soccer to football to one birthday


    after another. You thanked her by

    jumping out of

    the car and never looking back.

    When you were 11 years old, she took you


    your friends to the movies. You thanked

    her by

    asking to sit in a different row.

    When you were 12 years old, she warned

    you not

    to watch certain TV shows. You thanked

    her by

    waiting until she left the house.

    When you were 13, she suggested a

    haircut that

    was becoming. You thanked her by telling

    her she

    had no taste.

    When you were 14, she paid for a month

    away at

    summer camp. You thanked her by

    forgetting to

    write a single letter.

    When you were 15, she came home from


    looking for a hug. You thanked her by

    having your

    bedroom door locked.

    When you were 16, she taught you how to



    car. You thanked her by taking it every

    chance you


    When you were 17, she was expecting an

    important call. You thanked her by being

    on the

    phone all night.

    When you were 18, she cried at your high


    graduation. You thanked her by staying


    partying until dawn.

    When you were 19, she paid for your


    tuition, drove you to campus carried your


    You thanked her by saying good-bye

    outside the

    dorm so you wouldn't be embarrassed in

    front of

    your friends.

    When you were 25, she helped to pay for


    wedding, and she cried and told you how


    she loved you. You thanked her by

    moving halfway

    across the country.

    When you were 50, she fell ill and

    needed you to

    take care of her. You thanked her by

    reading about

    the burden parents become to their


    And then, one day, she quietly died. And

    everything you never did came crashing

    down like

    thunder on YOUR HEART.

    Posted by lucky21  ID#:70038
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