The Best Quotes

("My Favorites" selections by users)
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  • 21

    A Favorite of 4201 users

    A mother passing by her daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It was addressed, "Mom." With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:

    Dear Mom: It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new boyfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I've been finding real passion with Ahmed and he is so nice-even with all his piercings, tattoos, beard, and his motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion Mom, I'm pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy. He already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too. Ahmed taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and trading it with his friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Ahmed can get better; he sure deserves it!! Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grand children.

    Your daughter, Judith

    PS: Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk center drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.

    Posted by Girl of the Heart in Humor  ID#:22993
  • 22

    A Favorite of 4048 users

    If I could give you one thing in life, I would give you the ability to see yourself through my eyes, only then would you realize how special you are to me...

    Posted by noomank in Love  ID#:18305
  • 23

    A Favorite of 3975 users

    Love is giving someone the power to destroy you...but trusting them not to.

    Posted by itsjustme in Love  ID#:20248
  • 24

    A Favorite of 3786 users

    In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed to stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

    On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.
    (Shoot, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)

    On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
    (the shoplifter special)?

    On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap,"
    (and that would be how???....)

    On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
    (but, it's "just" a suggestion).

    On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down."
    (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

    On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating."
    (...and you thought????...)

    On packaging for a Rowena iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body."
    (but wouldn't this save me more time)?

    On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
    (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

    On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
    (and...I'm taking this because???....)

    On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only."
    (as opposed to...what)?

    On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use."
    (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious)

    On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts."
    (talk about a news flash)

    On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
    (Step 3: maybe, ooh...fly Delta?)

    On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
    (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

    On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
    (Oh my ..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

    Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity.

    Posted by get_ova_me in Humor  ID#:34850
  • 25

    A Favorite of 3738 users

    "Eleven Hints for Life"

    1. It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return.
    But what is more painful is to love someone and never
    find the courage to let that person know how you feel.

    2. A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who
    means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was
    never meant to be and you just have to let go.

    3. The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a
    porch swing with, never say a word, and then walk away
    feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.

    4. It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose
    it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been
    missing until it arrives.

    5. It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an
    hour to like someone, and a day to love someone-but it
    takes a lifetime to forget someone.

    6. Don't go for looks, they can deceive. Don't go for wealth,
    even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you
    smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day
    seem bright.

    7. Dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go,
    be what you want to be. Because you have only one life and
    one chance to do all the things you want to do.

    8. Always put yourself in the other's shoes. If you feel that it
    hurts you, it probably hurts the person too.

    9. A careless word may kindle strife. A cruel word may wreck
    a life. A timely word may level stress. But a loving word may
    heal and bless.

    10. The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best
    of everything they just make the most of everything that comes
    along their way.

    11. Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, ends with
    a tear. When you were born, you were crying and everyone
    around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die,
    you're the one smiling and everyone around you is crying.

    Posted by 23girl in Life  ID#:21320
  • 26

    A Favorite of 3700 users

    Should I smile because we are friends? Or cry because we'll never be anything more?

    Posted by honeybunch in Love  ID#:5292
  • 27

    A Favorite of 3676 users

    if you cant get someone off your mind they are probably supposed to be there

    Posted by bloom_luva in Love  ID#:15263
  • 28

    A Favorite of 3614 users

    It's better to keep your mouth shut and give the impression that you're stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.

    Posted by Bob in Humor  ID#:50
  • 29

    A Favorite of 3520 users

    Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.

    Posted by anonymous in Life  ID#:14
  • 30

    A Favorite of 3486 users

    You know you're in love when you don't wanna go to sleep at night because your life is better than a dream.

    Posted by BlueEyedSwimmer3 in Love  ID#:6645

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