The Best Women Quotes

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  • 31

    A Favorite of 153 users

    ----- WHY WOMEN ARE CRANKY -----

    We started to 'bud' in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find that anything that came in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurt so bad it brought us to tears. So came the ridiculously uncomfortable training bra contraption that the boys in school would snap until we had calluses on our backs.

    Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with those budding boobs, we bloated, we cramped, we got the hormone crankies, had to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had.

    Our next little rite of passage was having sex for the first time which was about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up with his little cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about.

    Then it was off to Motherhood where we learned to live on dry crackers and water for a few months so we didn't spend the entire day leaning over Brother John. Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are), we learned to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we were preparing to have Rosemary's Baby.

    Our once flat bellies looked like we swallowed a whole watermelon and we pee'd our pants every time we sneezed. When the big moment arrived, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions invariably burst right in the middle of the mall and we had to waddle, with our big cartoon feet, moaning in pain all the way to the ER.

    Then it was huff and puff and beg to die while the OB says, 'Please stop screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar. Calm down and push. 'Just one more good push' (more like 10), warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the %$#*@*#!* hubby and doctor square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed 10 pound bowling ball through a keyhole.

    After that, it was time to raise those angels only to find that when all that 'cute' wears off, the beautiful little darlings morphed into walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines.

    Then come their 'Teen Years.

    ' Need I say more?

    When the kids are almost grown, we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our early 40's - while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday.

    So we progress into the grand finale: 'The Menopause,' the Grandmother of all womanhood. It's either take HRT and chance cancer in those now seasoned 'buds' or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like a hog in July, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything that moves.

    Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men, when men get off so easy, INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in the woods without soaking their socks...

    So, while I love being a woman, 'Womanhood' would make the Great Gandhi a tad crabby You think women are the 'weaker sex?' Yeah right. Bite me.

    Posted by Keira in Women  ID#:176780
  • 32

    A Favorite of 149 users

    Women are like glass, if you break their heart- they'll cut you up..!

    Posted by geniusboy in Women  ID#:11556
  • 33

    A Favorite of 145 users

    Men who think women cry because they are weak and vuneralbe BEWARE! Tears are our last stand to control the urge to knock you flat!

    Posted by hollywould in Women  ID#:63604
  • 34

    A Favorite of 139 users

    EVERY WOMAN SHOULD HAVE:

    1. One old boyfriend you can imagine going back to and one who reminds
    you of how far you've come.
    2. Enough money within your control to move out and rent a place on
    your own, even if you never want or need to.
    3. Something perfect to wear if the employer or man of your dreams
    wants to see you in an hour.
    4. A purse, a suitcase and an umbrella you're not ashamed to be seen with.
    5. A youth you're content to move beyond.
    6. A past juicy enough that you're looking forward to retelling in it your
    old age.
    7. The realization that you are actually going to have an old age and
    some money set aside to help fund it.
    8. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill and a black lace bra.
    9. One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry.
    10. A good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in
    your family.
    11. Eight matching plates, wineglasses with stems and a recipe for a
    meal that will make your guests feel honored.
    12. A resume that is not even the slightest bit padded.
    13. A feeling of control over your destiny.
    14. A skin care regime, an exercise routine and a plan for dealing with
    those few other facets of life that don't get better after 30.
    15. A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship and
    all those other facets of life that do get better.

    EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW:

    1. How to fall in love without losing yourself.
    2. How you feel about having kids.
    3. How to quit a job, break up with a man and confront a friend without
    ruining the friendship.
    4. When to try harder and when to walk away.
    5. How to kiss a man in a way that communicates perfectly what you
    would and wouldn't like to happen next.
    6. How to have a good time at a party you'd never choose to attend.
    7. How to ask for what you want in a way that makes it most likely
    you'll get it.
    8. That you can't change the length of your calves, the width of your
    hips or the nature of your parents.
    9. That your childhood may not have been perfect, but it's over.
    10. What you would and wouldn't do for love or more.
    11. How to live alone, even if you don't like it.
    12. Who you can trust, who you can't, and why you shouldn't take it
    personally.
    13. Where to go-be it your best friend's kitchen table or a charming inn
    hidden in the woods-when your soul needs soothing.
    14. What you can and can't accomplish in a day, a month, a year.
    15. Why they say life begins at 30.

    Posted by Rocky in Women  ID#:157709
  • 35

    A Favorite of 136 users

    I don't understand women at all.

    Like how a women can pour boiling hot wax onto their upper thigh, then rip the hair out by the root... and still be afraid of a spider.

    Posted by mgriff in Women  ID#:72381
  • 36

    A Favorite of 134 users

    One Flaw In Women

    Women have strengths that amaze men.

    They bear hardships and they carry burdens,

    but they hold happiness, love and joy.

    They smile when they want to scream.

    They sing when they want to cry.

    They cry when they are happy

    and laugh when they are nervous.

    They fight for what they believe in.

    They stand up to injustice.

    They don't take "no" for an answer

    when they believe there is a better solution.

    They go without so their family can have.

    They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.

    They love unconditionally.

    They cry when their children excel

    and cheer when their friends get awards.

    They are happy when they hear about

    a birth or a wedding.

    Their hearts break when a friend dies.

    They grieve at the loss of a family member,

    yet they are strong when they

    think there is no strength left.

    They know that a hug and a kiss

    can heal a broken heart.

    Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.

    They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you

    to show how much they care about you.

    The heart of a woman is what

    makes the world keep turning.

    They bring joy, hope and love.

    They have compassion and ideas.

    They give moral support to their

    family and friends.

    Women have vital things to say

    and everything to give.

    HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,

    IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

    Posted by tennisfreak in Women  ID#:136640
  • 37

    A Favorite of 134 users

    I’m not the skinniest woman in the world. I’m not the hottest, or the prettiest. I’m definitely not the tallest and I'm not the shortest either, and I do not have the best body. I’m not the smartest, or brightest, and I don’t always say the right thing. But what I am is sweet, nice and funny. I know how to make someone feel good about themself by just being me. When you meet me you will say this chick is One of a kind && Shes unforgettable.

    Posted by Rocky in Women  ID#:137883
  • 38

    A Favorite of 131 users

    Three blonde guys were stranded on one side of a wide river and didn't know how to get across. The first blonde guy prayed to God to make him smart enough to think of a way to cross the river. God turned him into a brown-haired man, and he swam across. The second blonde guy prayed to God to make him even smarter, so he could think of a better way to cross the river. God turned him into a red-haired man, so he built a boat and rowed across. The third blonde guy prayed to God to make him the smartest of all, so God turned him into a woman...and she walked across the bridge.

    Posted by soccergirl in Women  ID#:131503
  • 39

    A Favorite of 126 users

    "I like being single". "I'm always there when i need me".

    Posted by evathought in Women  ID#:219261
  • 40

    A Favorite of 123 users

    be careful when you make a girl cry, her tears are counted. She came out of a mans rib, not from his feet to be walked on nor his head to be superior but from the side to be equal; under the arm to be protected and next to the heart to be loved.

    Posted by meliG in Women  ID#:162674
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