A JEFF DUNHAM AND PEANUT BIT
jeff: i'd like to do sompthing that has been a tradition in my family for years, read "the night before christmas"
peanut: ha ok! nooooo.
jeff: it'll be great
peanut: no it'll suck
**jeff pulls out a book**
peanut: what you have the book?!? i am soo sorry.
jeff: "twas the night before christmas"-
peanut :and all the jews were at the movies,
jeff: and all through the house-
peanut:why is it alwase a house? theres kids who live in apartments.how does santa get to the kids in the apartments? i guess they have to buzz his @$$ in.
jeff: and all through the appartments, not a creature was sturring-
peanut: ecceps the @$$ holes in 2b
jeff: not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
peanut: mouse? dude you're in an appartment thats a rat!
jeff: the stalking's were hung by the chimnie with care-
peanut: and beleve me the room could use some freash air how did that tradition start??
jeff: what tradition?
peanut: hanging up dirty laundry hoping santa would fill it with goodies. good thing it wasnt jock straps! "hey sally what did you get in yours?" "nuts."
jeff:YOU ARE RUINING THIS STORY!
peanut: well your the pervert eating out of your own jock strap!
jeff: with ma in her kerchief and i in my cap, had just settled down-
peanut: for a big snort of crack! well you have to get to the part where santa gets busted for breaking & entering where the hell is that?
jeff:its not breaking & entering!
peanut: oh keep reading i think it qualifies!
jeff: as i drew in myhead and was turning around down the chimny St. Nicholas came with a bound
peanut: he fell down...
peanut: didnt you say his face was all red?
peanut: why dosnt anyone see this he is drunk off his @$$! this is a horible horible story!
jeff: he was dressed all in fur from his head to his foot and his clothes were all tarnisher with ashes and soot.
peanut: fat, drinking and driveing, in a furry GAY outfit, covered in soot, smoking, and you let him in the house beacuse he said he had sompthing for your kids!!! WHAT THE HELL KIND OF FATHER ARE YOU ANYWAY?! if i were you id cheak his ID then tazer his fat @$$. and how fat is this guy anyway? everyone is alwase leaving him plates full of cookies i thiknk he's a diabetic dont you think? we should leave him plates full of insulen how bout that?cant wait to hear the story next year "The Night Before Christmas Part 2 santa's on dialisas and he's missing a leg"
jeff: can i please finish this story?!
peanut: oh please do.
jeff: he sprang to his sleigh to his team gave a wistle
peanut: gotta go quick cause theres a cop with a pistol.
jeff: as i heared him exclaim as he drove out of sight -
peanut: merry christmas to all oh crap i ran over your bike!