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The Best Marriage Quotes

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  • 41

    A Favorite of 48 users

    How To Make Women Happy...
    The Point System
    (advice according to women)

    Simple Duties:
    You make the bed (+1)
    You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows (0)
    You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)

    You leave the toilet seat up (-5)
    You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty (0)
    When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex (-1)
    When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom (-2)

    You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings (+5)
    In the snow (+8)
    But return with beer (-5)

    You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
    You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing (0)
    You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
    You pummel it with a six iron (+10)
    It's her pet (-10)

    Social Engagements At a Party:
    You stay by her side the entire party (0)
    You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy (-2)
    Named Tiffany (-4)
    Tiffany is a dancer (-6)
    Tiffany has implants (-8)

    Her Birthday:
    You take her out to dinner (0)
    You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)
    Okay, it is a sports bar (-2)
    And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)
    It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted in all of the colors of your favorite sports team (-10)

    A Night Out With the Boys:
    Go with a pal (-5)
    The pal is happily married (-4)
    Or frighteningly single (-7)
    And he drives a Mustang (-10)
    With a personalized license plate that reads GR8 N BED (-15)

    A Night Out:
    You take her to a movie (+2)
    You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
    You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
    You take her to a movie you like (-2)
    It's called DeathCop 9 (-3)
    Which features cyborgs that eat humans (-9)
    You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

    Your Physique:
    You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
    You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
    You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
    You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-800)

    Communication: When she wants to talk about a problem:
    You listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)
    You listen, for over 30 minutes (+5)
    You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+100)
    She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-20)

    The Big Question: She asks, "Do I look fat?"
    You hesitate in responding (-10)
    You reply, "Where?" (-35)
    Any other response (-20)

    Posted by ILoveYou05  ID#:75780
  • 42

    A Favorite of 44 users

    he stole my heart i stole his last name

    Posted by twilightlova  ID#:222782
  • 43

    A Favorite of 44 users

    Wife : Honey …… What are You Looking for ?
    Husband : Nothing.
    Wife : Nothing…?? U’ve been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour …??
    Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.

    Posted by Mehrnaziii  ID#:263611
  • 44

    A Favorite of 44 users

    What is the difference between "forever" and "always"?
    I can believe in always.
    So will you hold me always, or disappear like forever?

    Posted by Loveless_Hopeless  ID#:273810
  • 45

    A Favorite of 42 users

    You are the missing piece of my puzzle.

    Posted by otherhalf  ID#:49400
  • 46

    A Favorite of 42 users

    Somewhere out there is the man you're supposed to marry and if you don't get him first, somebody else will...and then, you'll have to spend the rest of your life thinking that somebody else is married to your husband.

    Posted by mellie8376  ID#:57665
  • 47

    A Favorite of 42 users

    marriage lets you annoy that one special person for the rest of your life. (:

    Posted by youkrava  ID#:223141
  • 48

    A Favorite of 41 users

    "I promise to love you forever-every single day of forever- Will you marry me?"

    Posted by Anonymorific  ID#:140376
  • 49

    A Favorite of 41 users

    A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says, "Mommy, why does the bride wear white?"

    His mom replies, "The bride is in white because she's happy and this is the happiest day of her life."

    The boys thinks about this, and then says, "Well then why is the groom wearing black..."

    Posted by CrazyCupid  ID#:265397
  • 50

    A Favorite of 40 users

    Success in marriage is much more than finding a right person, it is rather being a right person.

    Posted by sheren_jahan  ID#:23450
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