The Best Men Quotes

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  • 41

    A Favorite of 80 users

    It takes 20 years to turn a boy into a man. It takes 20 seconds for a girl to turn that same man into a fool.

    Posted by bug  ID#:27567
  • 42

    A Favorite of 78 users

    What Would Be Different If Men Really Ruled the World


    Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number.

    Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to "I love you."

    Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again" cards.

    When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.

    Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the ass and a "Nice hustle, you'll get 'em next time" would pretty much do it.

    Birth control would come in ale or lager.

    Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes of the NFL team of your choice.

    The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.

    At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and you'd jump out your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car like Fred Flintstone.

    Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance.

    Tanks would be far easier to rent.

    Garbage would take itself out.

    Instead of beer belly, you'd get "beer biceps."

    Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife- to-be with a giant foam hand that said, "You're #1!"

    Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.

    On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go drinking. Mother's Day, too.

    St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every month.

    Cops would be broadcast live, and you could phone in advice to the pursuing cops. Or to the crooks.

    The victors in any athletic competition would get to kill and eat the losers.

    The only show opposite Monday Night Football would be Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle.

    It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of gas.

    Every man would get four real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year.

    When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. As in: Cop: "You know how fast you were going" You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place." Cop: "Nice one. That's $10 off."

    People would never talk about how fresh they felt.

    Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.

    Posted by ILoveYou05  ID#:75789
  • 43

    A Favorite of 78 users

    You made me believe that the only thing different about guys .. are their names .

    Posted by marigalvez  ID#:231260
  • 44

    A Favorite of 78 users

    Treat your lady right because there might be another guy right there watching your every step for you to mess up..

    Posted by PatriceSweetz  ID#:335730
  • 45

    A Favorite of 77 users

    ORAL SEX- AN ODE TO LOVE:
    Penis breath, a lover's dread
    Is what you get when you give head
    Unpleasant as it tends to be
    Be grateful that he doesn't pee
    It's times like this, you wonder why
    you bothered reaching for his fly
    But it's too late, can't be a tease
    Accept the facts, get on your knees
    You know you've got a job to do
    So open wide and shove it through
    Lick the tip then take it all
    Don't drag your teeth or he might bawl
    Slide up and down, use your tongue
    And feel the precum start to run
    So when the f***'s he gonna cum
    Just, when you can't take anymore
    You hear your lover's mighty roar
    And when he hits that real high note
    You feel it oozi! ng down your throat
    Salty, fishy, sticky, yuck!y stuff
    Okay, already that's enough
    Let's switch you say, before you gag
    And whats your revenge, your on the rag.

    Posted by TallGal005  ID#:14861
  • 46

    A Favorite of 75 users

    Brook: Why do bad guys lie to get into your bed, and good guys lie to get into your heart?

    Posted by Jubylicious  ID#:59774
  • 47

    A Favorite of 75 users

    Men treat you how you allow them to treat you

    Posted by marsbars  ID#:354648
  • 48

    A Favorite of 73 users

    Some men are like chocolate.
    We know we shouldn´t, but occasionally we just can´t help ourselves
    ;)

    Posted by MeninaVeneno  ID#:140139
  • 49

    A Favorite of 73 users

    More men need to man up because females deserve more than empty promises and complicated lies

    Posted by kenken_fly  ID#:393124
  • 50

    A Favorite of 73 users

    don't tell me you're one of the best, when you're exactly like the rest.

    Posted by aoelk424  ID#:409468
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