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The Best Government Quotes

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  • 1

    A Favorite of 75 users

    The best weapon of all, is truth. But we all know no one can enter a government building with weapons.

    Posted by sword-freak  ID#:67193
  • 2

    A Favorite of 70 users

    In the year 2005, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and overpopulated and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save two of every living thing along with a few good humans."
    He gave Noah the blue prints, saying, "You have six months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."
    Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard ... but no ark. "Noah," He roared "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"
    "Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah. "But things have changed. I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to Development Appeal Board for a decision. Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I argued that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.
    Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls. But no go!
    When I started gathering the animals, I got sued by an animal rights group. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. As well, they argued the accommodation was too restrictive and it was cruel and inhumane to putso many animals in a confined space.
    Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted and environmental impact study on your proposed flood.
    I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.
    Also, the trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark building experience.
    To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.
    So forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least ten years for me to finish this Ark."
    Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.
    Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean, You're not going to destroy the world?"
    "No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."

    Posted by Emerald_queen  ID#:44775
  • 3

    A Favorite of 55 users

    If a law is unjust, a man is not only right to disobey it, he is obligated to do so.

    Posted by Donny  ID#:151
  • 4

    A Favorite of 49 users

    don't steal, the government does'nt like competition

    Posted by Dudley  ID#:16250
  • 5

    A Favorite of 42 users

    "This is a dangerous place to live in... Not because of the people who do wrong things, but because of the people who let wrong things happen."

    Posted by metooyou  ID#:272476
  • 6

    A Favorite of 40 users

    Can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than 500 employees and has the
    following statistics:
    29 have been accused of spousal abuse
    7 have been arrested for fraud
    19 have been accused of writing bad checks
    117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
    3 have done time for assault
    71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
    14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
    8 have been arrested for shoplifting
    21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
    84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year

    Can you guess which
    organization this is?


    Give up yet?

    It's the 535 members of the United States Congress. The same group that crankout hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line.

    Posted by mellew  ID#:110065
  • 7

    A Favorite of 40 users

    The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is this:

    You cannot post 'Thou Shalt Not Steal,' 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery,' and 'Thou Shall Not Lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians...It creates a hostile work environment

    Posted by Tc_Origenal  ID#:192829
  • 8

    A Favorite of 39 users

    "I believe there's something out there watching over us. Unfortunately, it's the government."

    Posted by actorchick25  ID#:13888
  • 9

    A Favorite of 35 users


    You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies and the economy grows. You retire on the income.

    You have two cows. You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You profess surprise when the cow drops dead.

    You have two cows.
    You go on a strike because you want three cows.

    You have two cows. You reengineer them so that they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves.

    You have two cows.
    They are both MAD COWS.

    You have two cows. You don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

    you have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge the others for storing them.

    you have two cows. You redesign them so they are one tenth of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.

    You have two cows. You count them and learn that you have five cows. You count them again and learned that you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn that you have 17 cows. You give up counting and open another bottle of Vodka.

    You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment and arrest anyone reporting the actual numbers.

    Posted by unluckygirl  ID#:181439
  • 10

    A Favorite of 35 users

    A country with too many laws, is a country with too many problems.

    Posted by Codrut_Magheru  ID#:273775
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