The Best Stupid Quotes

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  • 1

    A Favorite of 508 users

    YES..AND THEY WALK AMONG US

    I was at the checkout of a Kmart. The clerk rang up $46.64 charge. I gave her a fifty dollar bill. She gave me back $46.64. I gave it back to her and told her that she had made a mistake in MY favor and gave her the money back. She became indignant and informed me she was educated and knew what she was doing and returned the money again. I gave her the money back again ... same senario ! I departed the store with the $46.64.
    I walked into a Mickey D's with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon For a sandwich. I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a little Chalkboard that said "buy one-get one free." "They're already buy-one- get-one-free", she said, "so I guess they're both free" She handed me my free sandwiches and I walked out the door.
    One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when one Of them shouted, "Look at that dead bird!" Someone looked up at the Sky and said, "Where ?"
    While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the north?" When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, "Oh I don't keep up with that stuff."
    I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific."
    My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car designed to cut through a Seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk.
    My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.
    I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I went To the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags Never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a Trained professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, has your plane arrived yet?"
    While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces."

    More than 5 years ago by b.b.k.  ID#:126050
  • 2

    A Favorite of 412 users

    S T U P I D = Smart Talented Unique Person In Demand

    More than 10 years ago by I_made_the_devil_cry  ID#:15814
  • 3

    A Favorite of 408 users

    I never apologize.
    I'm sorry, but that's just the way I am.

    More than 10 years ago by CtrlAltDestroy  ID#:12830
  • 4

    A Favorite of 339 users

    One bright morning...
    in the middle of the night,
    two dead boys came out to fight.
    they stood back to back
    and faced each other
    drew their swords
    and shot eachother.
    the deaf policeman heard the noise
    and came to kill
    those two dead boys.
    If u dont believe my story
    its true ask the blind man he saw it too!

    More than 5 years ago by xo nicole 824 ox  ID#:26523
  • 5

    A Favorite of 312 users

    i thought a thought that i thought i had thought but the thought that i had thought wasnt the thought that i had thought i had thought so maybe if i had thought the thought that i thought i thought i wouldn't of thought so much

    More than 5 years ago by superflyangel  ID#:51830
  • 6

    A Favorite of 307 users

    A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?"

    Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"

    Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.

    While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

    Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

    Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"

    Harry: "9."


    Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"

    Harry: "36."

    And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

    The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade"

    Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions."

    The principal and Harry both agreed.

    Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"

    Harry, after a moment: "Legs."

    Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"

    The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

    Harry replied: "Pockets."

    Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"

    Harry: "Pants."

    Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?"

    Harry: "Coconut."

    The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

    Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"

    The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, "Bubble gum."

    Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?"

    Harry: "Shake hands."

    The principal was trembling.

    Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?"

    Harry: "Firetruck."

    The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong.

    More than 5 years ago by suzzan  ID#:201337
  • 7

    A Favorite of 281 users

    A day without sunshine is like night.

    More than 10 years ago by magpie  ID#:4254
  • 8

    A Favorite of 268 users

    dont look at me in that tone of voice

    More than 5 years ago by spanky  ID#:30268
  • 9

    A Favorite of 263 users

    if you have noticed this notice you will have noticed that this notice is not worth noticing

    More than 5 years ago by big_shez  ID#:32538
  • 10

    A Favorite of 262 users

    Your're so stupid you threw a rock at the ground and missed.

    More than 5 years ago by BlackStyles  ID#:52725
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