The Best Quotes

("My Favorites" selections by users)
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  • 181

    A Favorite of 1440 users

    19 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level of Insanity

    1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and Point A Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

    2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

    3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.

    4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."

    5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone Has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch To Espresso.

    6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Sexual Favors"

    7. Finish All Your Sentences With "In Accordance With The Prophecy."

    8. Don't Use Any Punctuation

    9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

    10. Ask People What Sex They Are. Laugh Hysterically After They Answer.

    11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."

    12. Sing Along At The Opera.

    13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme

    14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play Tropical Sounds All Day.

    15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party because You're Not In The Mood.

    16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name "Rock Hard".

    17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!"

    18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking Lot,Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"

    19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

    Posted by volleygurl in Humor  ID#:16687
  • 182

    A Favorite of 1430 users

    Forget his name, forget his face
    Forget his kiss and his warm embrace
    Forget the love that once came true
    Remember now there's someone new,

    Forget the love that you once shared
    Forget the face that had once cared
    Forget the time you spent together
    Remember now he's gone forever,

    Forget you cried the whole night through
    Forget him when they play your song
    Forget how close you two once were
    Remember now he's chosen her,

    Forget you memorized his walk
    Forget the way he used to talk
    Forget the times he was mad
    Remember he's happy instead of sad,

    Forget his teasing, gentle ways
    Forget you saw him everyday
    Forget he made your dreams come true
    Remember now she loves him too,

    Forget the thrill when he walked by
    Forget him when he made you cry
    Forget the way he spoke your name
    Remember now he's not the same,

    Forget the way he said he loved you
    Forget the way he kissed and hugged you
    Forget all those nights when he held you tight
    Remember now he holds her tonight,

    Forget all those sunny days
    Forget all those poems he made
    Forget those times through good and bad
    Remember he said he'd never make you sad,

    Forget the games he played with you
    Forget the times he stayed with you
    Forget those cold, cold nights
    Remember now he keeps her warm tonight,

    Forget the way he looked at you
    Forget you kissed the whole night through
    Forget all you dreams came true
    REMEMBER, that he doesn't love you.

    Posted by 23girl in Love  ID#:19000
  • 183

    A Favorite of 1423 users

    check out these quotes with the most romantic first
    line but least romantic second line. Hope u enjoy :-)


    I love your smile, your face, and your eyes

    Damn, I'm good at telling lies!


    My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:

    Marrying you screwed up my life.


    I see your face when I am dreaming.

    That's why I always wake up screaming.


    Oh loving beauty, you float with grace

    If only you could hide your face.


    Kind, intelligent, loving and hot

    This describes everything you are not.


    I want to feel your sweet embrace

    But don't take that paper bag off of your face.


    My love, you take my breath away.

    What have you stepped in to smell this way?


    Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss

    But I only slept with you, because I was pissed.

    My feelings for you no words can tell

    Except for maybe "Go To Hell".


    Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and
    so are you.

    But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the
    sugar bowl's empty and

    so is your head


    What inspired this amorous rhyme?

    Two parts vodka, one part lime.


    Posted by Anonymous in Fun Phrases  ID#:83156
  • 184

    A Favorite of 1422 users

    Subject: How to call the police

    George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi was going up to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window.

    George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.

    He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and he said "no". Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be along when available.

    George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.
    "Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now cause I've just shot them all." Then he hung up.

    Within five minutes three police cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips residence and caught the burglars red-handed.

    One of the Policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"

    George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

    (True Story) I LOVE IT...

    Posted by mialwys in Humor  ID#:44335
  • 185

    A Favorite of 1420 users

    What seems like the right thing to do could also be the hardest thing you have ever done in your life.

    Posted by honeybunch in Life  ID#:5200
  • 186

    A Favorite of 1412 users

    This is a true story:

    Her dad was a drunk
    Her mom was an addict
    Her parents kept her
    Locked in an attic

    Her only friend
    was a little toy bear
    It was old and worn out
    And had patches of hair

    She always talked to it
    When no one's around
    She lays there and hugs it
    Not a peep of sound

    Until her parents
    unlock the door
    Some more and more pain
    She'll have to endure

    A bruise on her leg
    A scar on her face
    Why would she be
    In such a horrible place?

    But she grabs her bear
    And softly cries
    She loves her parents
    But they want her to die

    She sits in the corner
    Quiet but thinking,
    "Please God, why is
    My life always sinking? "

    Such a bad life
    For a sad little kid
    She'd get beaten and beaten
    For anything she did

    Then one night
    Her mom came home high
    And the poor child was beaten
    As hours went by

    Then her mom suddenly
    Grabbed for a blade
    It was sharp and pointy
    One that she made

    She thrusted the blade
    Right in her chest,
    "You deserve to die
    You worthless piece of s***!"

    The mom walked out
    Leaving the girl slowly dying
    She grabbed her bear
    And again started crying

    Police showed up
    At the small little house
    Then quickly barged in
    Everything quiet as a mouse

    One officer slowly
    Opened a door
    To find the little girl
    Lying dead on the floor

    It must have been bad
    To go through so much harm
    But at least she died
    With her best friend in her arms

    (add this to your favorites if your against child abuse)

    Posted by jaja_9534 in Death  ID#:126184
  • 187

    A Favorite of 1407 users

    Boy: I need someone to talk to.
    Girl: I'm always here for you.
    Boy: I know.
    Girl: What's wrong?
    Boy: I like her so much.
    Girl: Talk to her.
    Boy: I don't know. She won't ever like me.
    Girl: Don't say're amazing.
    Boy: I just want her to know how I feel.
    Girl: Then tell her.
    Boy: She won't like me.
    Girl: How do you know that?
    Boy: I can just tell her...
    Girl: Well just tell her.
    Boy: What should I say?
    Girl: Tell her how much you like her.
    Boy: I tell her daily.
    Girl: What do you mean?
    Boy: I'm always with her...I love her.
    Girl: I know how you feel. I have the same problem...but he'll never like me.
    Boy: Wait. Who do you like?
    Girl: Oh, some boy.
    Boy: Oh, she won't like me either.
    Girl: She does.
    Boy: How do you know?
    Girl: Because who wouldn't like you?
    Boy: You.
    Girl: You're wrong. I love you.
    Boy: I love you too.
    Girl: So are you going to talk to her?
    Boy: I just did.

    Posted by angel_05 in Love  ID#:41648
  • 188

    A Favorite of 1404 users

    I wish I had the guts to walk away from what we had. But I can't because I know you won't come after me, and that's what hurts the most.

    Posted by RoushChic04 in Love  ID#:8732
  • 189

    A Favorite of 1401 users

    I can't promise to solve all your problems, but I can promise you won't have to face them alone...

    Posted by jayson in Love  ID#:64790
  • 190

    A Favorite of 1399 users

    Our character is what we do when we think no one is looking.

    Posted by Bob in Wisdom  ID#:224

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