A Favorite of 2479 users
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.
Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.
A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.
10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.
Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."
The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."- Unknown
A Favorite of 1163 users
10 best excuses when you get caught falling asleep on your desk:
10. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
9. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in
that time management course you sent me to."
8. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-Out. You probably
got here just in time!"
7. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement
and envisioning a new paradigm."
6. "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."
5. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve
work-related stress. Are you discriminatory toward people who
4. "Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a
solution to our biggest problem."
3. "The coffee machine is broken..."
2. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot..."
And the #1 best thing to say if you get caught sleeping at your
1. " ... in Jesus' name. Amen."- unknown
A Favorite of 845 users
One night a father overheard his son saying his prayers "God
bless Mommy and Daddy and Grammy. Goodbye Grampa."
Well, the father thought it was strange, but he soon forgot
about it. The next day, the Grandfather died. About a month or
two later the father heard his son saying his prayers again "God
bless Mommy and Daddy. Goodbye Grammy."
The next day the grandmother died. Well, the father was getting
more than a little worried about the whole situation. Two weeks
later, the father once again overheard his sons prayers. "God
Bless Mommy. Good bye Daddy."
This alone nearly gave the father a heart attack. He didn't say
anything but he got up early to go to work, so that he would
miss the traffic. He stayed all through lunch and dinner.
Finally after midnight he went home. He was still alive! When he
got home he apologized to his wife. "I am sorry Honey. I had a
very bad day at work today." "You think you've had a bad day?
YOU THINK YOU'VE HAD A BAD DAY!?", the wife yelled, "The mailman
dropped dead on my doorstep this morning!"- unknown
A Favorite of 446 users
People don't play sports because its fun. Ask any athlete, most of them hate it, but they couldn't imagine their life with out it. Its part of them, the love/hate relationship. Its what they live for. They live for the practices, parties, cheers, long bus rides, invitationals, countless pairs of different types of shoes, water, Gatorade, & coaches you hate but appreciate. They live for the way it feels when they beat the other team, and knowing those two extra sprints they ran in practice were worth it. They live for the way they become a family with their team, they live for the countless songs they sing in their head while training all those hours. They live for the competition, they live for the friends, the practices, the memories, the pain, its who they are. It's who we are.- myspace
A Favorite of 322 users
Lincoln & Kennedy - Coincidences
Consider this ... and remember that it is all completely true.
Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.
The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain seven letters.
Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.
Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both were shot in the head.
Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's secretary was named Lincoln.
Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners.
Both successors were named Johnson.
Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.
John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.
Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names comprise fifteen letters.
Booth ran from the theatre and were caught in a warehouse.
Oswald ran from a warehouse and was caught in a theatre.
Booth and Oswald were both assassinated before their trials.
HERE'S THE KICKER:
A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland.
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe....
A Favorite of 100 users
To every guy that cooks dinner for her.
To every guy that regrets hurting her.
To every guy who knows which girl he wants.
To every guy that's said, "Sex can wait."
To every guy that's said, "You're beautiful."
To every guy that was never too busy to drive across town to see her.
To every guy that gives flowers and a card when she is sick.
To every guy who has given her flowers just because.
To every guy that said he would die for her.
To every guy that really would.
To every guy that did what she wanted to do.
To every guy that cried in front of her.
To every guy that she cried in front of.
To every guy that holds hands with her.
To every guy that kisses her with meaning.
To every guy that hugs her when she's sad.
To every guy that hugs her for no reason at all.
To every guy who would give their jacket up.
To every guy that calls to make sure she got home safe.
To every guy that would sit and wait for her for hours just to be able to see her for ten minutes.
To every guy that would give his seat up.
To every guy that just wants to cuddle.
To every guy that reassured her that she was beautiful no matter what.
To every guy who told his secrets to her.
To every guy that tried to show how much he cared through every word and every breath.
To every guy that thought maybe this could be the one.
To every guy that believed in her dreams.
To every guy that would have done anything so she could achieve them.
To every guy that never laughed at her when she told him her dreams.
To every guy that walked her to her car.
To every guy that wasn't just trying to get laid.
To every guy that actually listened.
To every guy that gave his heart only to have it shoved back in his face.
TO EVERY GUY THAT PRAYS THAT SHE IS HAPPY EVEN IF YOU ARE NOT WITH HER.
This one is for you...
Not all girls appreciate nice guys. There's not many left out there....- my friends myspace
A Favorite of 99 users
10 lies they tell in high school-
1. we are here to help you
2. you will have enough time to get to your class before the bell rings
3. the dress code will be inforced
4. no smoking is allowed on school grounds
5. our football team will win the championship this year
6. we expect more from you here
7. guidance counselors are always available to listen
8. your schedule was created with your needs in mind
9. your locker combination is private
10. these will be the years you look bck on fondly.- a book i read
A Favorite of 37 users
Dean: If there is a higher power, why is it He can't get you a new sweater?
Jamie: He's too busy looking for your brain.- "A Walk to Remember"
A Favorite of 37 users
well today was a complete waste of make-up...- unknown
A Favorite of 21 users
> > Woman to Woman Encouragement
> > Someone will always be smarter. Their house will be bigger. They will drive a better car. Their children will do better in school. And their partners will fix more things around the house. So let it go and love you and your circumstances. Think about it. The prettiest woman in the world can have hell in her heart. And the most highly favored woman at your job may be
unable to have children. The richest woman you know - she's got the car, the house, the clothes - might be heartbreakingly lonely. So, love you.
Love who you are right now. Tell yourself, "I am too blessed to be stressed." Be blessed ladies- someone nice