The Best Famous Humor Quotes

  • 1

    A Favorite of 3637 users

    It's better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than open it and remove all doubt

    September 25, 2000 by Bob in Humor  ID#:50
  • 2

    A Favorite of 3373 users

    There are three types of people in this world: those who make things happen, those who watch things happen and those who wonder what happened.

    September 21, 2000 by Anonymous in Humor  ID#:40
  • 3

    A Favorite of 1673 users

    No one will win the battle of the sexes; there is too much fraternizing with the enemy.

    November 20, 2002 by the great 1 in Humor  ID#:5533
  • 4

    A Favorite of 1490 users

    The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you.

    May 25, 2002 by aschrage in Humor  ID#:4010
  • 5

    A Favorite of 1309 users

    You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon'.

    May 10, 2004 by shannynbobannon in Humor  ID#:17097
  • 6

    A Favorite of 1168 users

    The problem is, God gave man a brain and a penis and only enough blood to run one at a time.

    May 20, 2002 by Donny in Humor  ID#:3983
  • 7

    A Favorite of 1074 users

    I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

    March 2, 2003 by Sinetos in Humor  ID#:6988
  • 8

    A Favorite of 799 users

    I'm lost. I've gone to look for myself. If I should return before I get back, please ask me to wait.

    March 16, 2003 by Anonymous in Humor  ID#:7238
  • 9

    A Favorite of 740 users

    Well ya see, Norm, it's like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.

    May 15, 2002 by aschrage in Humor  ID#:3971
  • 10

    A Favorite of 674 users

    Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.

    July 13, 2002 by Anonymous in Humor  ID#:4467