The Best Politics Quotes

  • 1

    A Favorite of 87 users

    Son: Dad, I have to do a special report for school. Can I ask you a question?
    Father: Sure, son. What's the question?
    Son: What is politics?
    Father: Well, let's take our home for example. I am the wage earner, so let's call me “Tony Blair.” Your mother is the administrator of money, so we'll call her “Gordon Brown.” We take care of your needs, so we'll call you “the People.” We'll call the maid “the Working Class,” and your baby brother we can call “the Future.” Do you understand, son?
    Son: I'm not really sure, Dad. I'll have to think about it.

    That night, awakened by his baby brother's crying, the boy went to see what was wrong. Discovering that the baby had seriously soiled his diaper, the boy went to his parents' room and found his mother sound asleep. He went to the maid's room where, peeking through the keyhole, he saw his father in bed with the maid. The boy's knocking went totally unheeded by his father and the maid, so the boy returned to his room and went back to sleep. The next morning he reported to his father.
    Son: Dad, now I think I understand what politics is.
    Father: Good, son! Can you explain it to me in your own words?
    Son: Well, dad, while Tony Blair is screwing the Working Class, Gordon Brown is sound asleep, the People are being completely ignored and the Future is full of s**t.

    April 17, 2005 by lucky21 in Politics  ID#:36159
  • 2

    A Favorite of 79 users

    "Politicians and diapers have one thing in common --- they both should be changed regularly and for the same reason!"

    June 10, 2002 by magpie in Politics  ID#:4255
  • 3

    A Favorite of 66 users

    Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.

    August 16, 2004 by Androx in Politics  ID#:21665
  • 4

    A Favorite of 61 users

    John Kerry visits a primary school and sits in on one of the classes, which is in the middle of a discussion on words and their meaning. The teacher asks Mr. Kerry if he would like to lead the discussion of the word "tragedy."

    So, the illustrious leader asks the class for an example of a 'Tragedy.'
    One little boy stands up and offers: "If my best friend, who
    lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a runaway tractor comes along and knocks him dead, that would be a tragedy.

    "That's wrong," Kerry shouts. "That would be considered an accident."

    A little girl raises her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy."

    "You are completely incorrect," shouts the Senator. "That would be what we would consider a great loss." The room goes silent.

    No other children volunteer. Kerry searches the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"

    Finally at the back of the room a small boy raises his hand. In a quiet voice he says: "If a plane carrying the
    Senator John Kerry were struck by a missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy."

    "Fantastic!" exclaims Kerry. "You are absolutely right. Can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?" "Well," says the boy, "because it sure as hell wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't be an accident!"

    September 13, 2004 by Louise in Politics  ID#:22799
  • 5

    A Favorite of 60 users

    There's a teacher in a small Texas town. She asks her class how many of them are 'Bush Fans'.

    Not really knowing what a 'Bush Fan' is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the children raise their hands except one boy, Johnny.
    The teacher asks Johhny why he has decided to be different.

    Johnny says "I'm not a Bush Fan."

    The teacher says, "Why aren't you a Bush Fan?"

    Johnny says "I'm a Kerry fan."

    The teacher then asks why he's a Kerry Fan. The boy replies, "well my mum's a Kerry fan and my dad is a Kerry i'm a Kerry fan."

    The teacher is irritated by this, so she says "What if your mum was a moron and your dad was an idiot? What would that make you?"

    Johnny says "That would make me a Bush Fan!"

    November 23, 2004 by Alexa in Politics  ID#:26109
  • 6

    A Favorite of 54 users

    Interviewer: And what would you say to these people who were responsible for the Columbine shootings?
    Marilyn Manson: I wouldn't have said a thing. I would have listened to what they have to say, because that's what nobody did.

    January 4, 2008 by Kill_The_Prejudice in Politics  ID#:156501
  • 7

    A Favorite of 53 users

    Democracy: Where any two idiots outvote a genius.

    September 3, 2005 by ziveeman in Politics  ID#:47164
  • 8

    A Favorite of 43 users

    "What we say will soon be forgotten, but what we do, will live on through a thousand years"

    January 16, 2011 by Julián_D. in Politics  ID#:354989
  • 9

    A Favorite of 42 users

    Barrack Obama, Michelle Obama and Oprah Winfrey were flying on Obama's private plane. Obama looked at Oprah, chuckled and said, 'You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy.' Oprah shrugged her shoulders and replied, 'I could throw ten $100 bills out of the window and make ten people very happy. Michelle added, 'That being the case, I could throw one hundred $10 bills out of the window and make a hundred people very happy.' Hearing their exchange, the pilot rolled his eyes and said to his co-pilot, 'Such big-shots back there. Shoot, I could throw all three of their asses out of the window and make 56 million people very happy.'

    November 14, 2008 by WiseMan in Politics  ID#:199009
  • 10

    A Favorite of 40 users

    Any man under 30 who is not a liberal has no heart, and any man over thirty who is not a conservative has no brains.

    September 21, 2000 by Anonymous in Politics  ID#:16