THINGS TO DO AT THE MALL...
Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out of the wishing fountain
Try pants on backwards at a clothing store. Ask a salesperson if they make your butt look big
At the bottom of the escalator scream "My Shoelaces AARGHH!!!!"
Teach pet store parrots new vocabulary that makes them unsellable
Ask mall cops about their experience in World War 1
Construct a new porch deck in the tool department of Sears
Pose as a fashion dummy in the clothes department, occasionally screaming without warning
Test mattresses in your pajamas
If youre patient, stare intently into a surveillance camera for an hour while rocking back and forth
Sprint up the down escalator
Stare at staic on a display TV and challenge others on whether they too can see the 'hidden picture'
Make unusual request at a piercing place
Ask a salesperson at a hardware store on how well a certain saw cuts through bone
Hula dance by the demonstration air conditioner
Ask for red-tinted lenses at the optometrist
Sneak up on salespeople at the perfume counter and spray them with your own bottle of Eau De Swanke
Rummage through the jelly bean bin at the candy store, insisting you lost a contact lens
Ask a woman whether a particular pair of panties matches the color of your hair
In the changing rooms, announce in a sing-song voice "I see London, I see France..."
Leave on the plastic string connecting a new pair of shoes, and wander around the mall taking two-inch steps
Ask a pharmacist at a drugstore for a cold medicine that will give you "a really wicked buzz!"
Ask someone at the information desk for a stroller... and someone to push you around in it
Hand a pair of pants back to a saleperson with a scornful look and scornfully announce that they arent "leak proof"
If its Christmas, ask the mall Santa to sit on your lap
Show people your driver's license and demand to know "whether they've seen this man"